The Armstrongs

My little Drama Queen..

2011-09-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

These days, Hannah's usually unhappy about SOMETHING.... i call her my little drama queen. There is drama every day... and A LOT of it! How can something so small carry around so much drama?? Here's an example of my life with Hannah these days:

I found a recipe to make our own finger paints! I thought it was a brilliant idea that Hannah would aboslutely LOVE! well, i was wrong. Just how wrong? I'll let you be the judge....

oh me, oh my! Seems i can't do anything right these days :).

DIY: pretty awesome dress!

2011-08-19T13:53:00.001-07:00

I'm excited to show you my latest DIY project.

Usually these things just don't turn out that well for me.

This one however, i'm pretty impressed with.

Presenting.....

Unfortuantely i just kind of made it up as i went along. So i probaby wont be able to do it again and of course i can't really tell you how to make one either :/. Silly me......

If you look really close at it you can see a LOT of imperfections, but im still pretty happy with the outcome considering its my very first dress EVER to make on my own :).

Words that make me happy :)

2011-08-03T12:24:00.000-07:00

The other day i was wondering when Hannah was going to speak more words! It didn't seem to me that she could say much and it was making me a little worried. However, recently i made a list and realized that she's saying a whole lot more than i THOUGHT she was and it made me feel better! Here's a list of words she can say, :

*Hi
*Dye-Dye (Bye bye)
*Daddy
*Mommy
*Baby (but only when SHE wants to)
*Shoe
*Doddy (Doggie)
*Abby (the name of our dog)
*Eye
*Chee (Cheese)
*Tee ( Teeth)
*Ahm ( arm)
*Ow
*Ah mee! (ah, man!)
*Ju ( Juice)
*Mm Goo! ( mm Good!)
*Uh-OH! (her current favorite. She says it even at random times!)
*Cat
*Flowie (flower)
*duck
*Dappy (diaper)
*Paddy (paci)
*No
*ow sigh (out side)

There are probably even a few more that i just forgot about but you get the jist. Obviously, she has her own versions of the word, but she's learning and that's what counts! I feel so proud of her. I get so excited every time she learns a new word because that means we ar one step closer to understanding each other... and that means less frustrations!

Frustrations v. Blessings

2011-07-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

Here's a list of things that have frustrated me today:

*The annoying muscle twitch in my right arm that has been there since i woke up today!
* When i stepped on our scale in the bathroom, the weight was off. I know this because there is NO way i lost 20 lbs over night. It's been on the fritz for a while now...
*When i went to take a movie case away from Hannah, she hit me in the eye with it.
* I locked my keys in my car, thus making me have to lift open our garage door and go into the house through the garage!

Here's a list of Blessings I've had today:

*I woke up! (may sound simple, but if i didn't I'd be dead!)
*When i went into Hannah's room to wake her up, she had a big smile and raised her arms up for me to pick her up.
* We had food to eat for breakfast and lunch!
* We are sitting inside our home WITH air conditioning
* We drove in our car to play at the mall playground
* I witnessed Hannah having fun going up and down the slide... over and over and over
* We are all healthy
* We are all happy
* Even though she hit me in the eye, right afterwards Hannah ran to me and gave me a hug and kiss (that's what she does when we tell her to say she's sorry)
* Currently I have gotten almost 40 minutes of "me" time while Hannah is napping

AND those are only the blessings from half a days worth! I try to make sure that i remember even when i have a hard moment or too that most days are filled with many more blessings than not!

I hope you are having a blessed day as well!

"Where is the baby's...."

2011-07-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

Hannah is at a stage where she really takes in everything around her and is constantly wanting to learn! I love that she is learning so much and really growing into a smart little girl, but it also makes me sad that she's not my baby anymore! Here is a video of Hannah showing us where the baby's body parts are. (You'll have to excuse my high pitched annoying voice in the video : /....)

Obviously, she's still learning :). But as her momma i'm pretty proud.

New Craft!

2011-07-25T13:34:00.001-07:00

I found this tutorial and thought it would be easy enough for even me to make! Now, I'm addicted to making them! Here are some pictures of the first one i made....

This one was a little too big for Hannah so I've adjusted the size a bit to be more proportional to her head! Now I'm off to look for more easy and fun crafts/projects! Any ideas?

It just seems fitting....

2011-07-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

...that this blog entry is about Camp since Camp Followin' is starting up very soon. Every summer i get a little sad when our youth group heads off to camp. It's not because i'm going to miss them or because i dont want them to go. It's because i miss going to camp myself. It used to be the highlight of the year for me.

I am a camp kind of girl. I love the smell of the mountains with it's cool fresh breezes. I love the sound of the creeks running. I love how clear the skies are at night and how many stars you can see because there aren't any "city lights" around. I love the praises that are sung to God. I love campfires, camp food, canteen time, and fellowshiping with friends while not having to worry about the rest of the world.

At camp Followin' once a week, the women take a hike. It's called "Women's HIke". CLever title, huh? :) ANyway, the senior girls always give a talk to the younger girls about what camp had meant to them... or just anything they want to say during this time. My senior year I wrote, "Camp is special because we spend it in the mountains. I dont think it's by accident that Camp Followin' is held on the mountains. There is no place on earth that can get you physically closer to God than on the peak of a mountain top! At Camp, God is everywhere and anywhere. You do not need to even WORK to get rid of all the earthly grief and sorrow you feel. Once you are here it all just magically falls away. That is what Camp Followin' means to me." I still have that written down in a journal that i am now typing from.

So every summer i feel an ache and a desire to be in the mountains. A want to be physically closer to my God, my creator. Now, i only have the fact that Hannah will someday grow into a camper and i might possibly be able to be a "camp parent" to look forward to. I am dying to be able to experience camp all over again.

Praise God for my Hannah. Praise God for the mountains. Praise God for fellowship. Praise God for Camp. PRAISE GOD FOR EVERYTHING!

a video from MAY!

2011-07-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

This video is from the end of school program at BH. (The Preschool I teach at, or it's innitials for safety's sake). This is Hannah's class!

i know.. i'm behind on my updates! Hannah was 15 months in this video... now she's 18 and she's keeping me pretty busy! I'll write again soon!

I'm begging you...

2011-05-22T20:33:00.000-07:00

If something were to happen to Hannah tonight and i'd never get to see her again, I just don't know how i'd be able to live.

Saturday morning i learned that a very precious family from my church lost their little girl. What makes it even more heart breaking is that she died from being shot while hunting with her granddad. It was an accident. She suffered from a gun shot to the head. She was 9 years old and from what i hear, a perfect and beautiful angel. I never got to meet her, but i did meet her mother and talked with her several times while she fed her new baby boy at church. Her mother is the most caring and sweet person i think i've met. I've never seen a person ask so many questions about someone else's life and REALLY listen as if they REALLY cared about every detail as this girls mother does. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow she is feeling. I can't imagine the pain the grandfather is feeling either.... or for that matter this entire family.

I've been praying non-stop since the moment i heard the news and even when im not praying i'm constantly thinking about them. I wish there was something i could say or do to make it all better, but we all know there is nothing.

Tonight, I'm just asking you to say a prayer for this family. Say a prayer with your whole heart and sincerely ask the Lord to wrap his loving arms around this family and to send his healing! It sure would mean a lot to me... and i know it would to the Dahlstrom's!

In honor of Mother's Day....

2011-05-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

The [icture above is me when i turned 3 or 4 being a "mother" to my new baby doll. I've always, always, always wanted to be two things... A wife and a Mom. When i think about the past 16 months of my life as a mother, MOST of my thoughts are happy thoughts. But let's be honest.... motherhood is the most stressful, tiresome, sometimes miserable job i can think of. Everyone always talks about how much they LOVE being a mom on mother's day.... so just to be a little different, here is a list of things i do NOT enjoy about motherhood.

1. Having to be just about 100% selfless everyday and all day. Obviously i'm not perfect so sadly enough i'm probably only selfless about 80% of the time.... but it's still exhausting

2. The constant whinning and crying i hear all day because a) she either wants to be held or B) she wants something she can't have

3. The stretch marks!

4. The baggy eyes and saggy body parts

5. having to remember the diapers, wipes, food and pacifiers everywhere i go

6. I can't even go to the bathroom with some peace and quiet

7. The worrying everytime she bonks her head or busts her lip along with the worries with every fever and every "runny" diaper

8. Finding ways to give enough attention to a toddler and still get the house picked up and dinner cooked

9. Not only do i have to brush my own teeth and give myself a bath... but i also have to make sure she gets her teeth brushed and gets a bath as well.

10. I swear i have to to say ,"NO!" and "How many times do i have to tell you..." at least 50 times a day

PLease don't misunderstand my post. I honestly LOVE.... LOVE being a mom. I LOVE my baby and becoming a mother has honestly been the best thing that has ever happened in my life. It's what i've always wanted and dreamed of... it's just that being a full time mom, well it's not for the Birds!

Happy Mother's day to all of you mothers out there! Go drink a glass of wine and laugh about the things that drive you nuts! :)

If i was Rich...

2011-04-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

I LOVE anything made by Amy Butler! Her style speaks to me! So tonight, since i couldn't sleep i stayed up and looked around at her products online. Travis and I are in the process of deciding on how to remodel our home and i discovered that she makes wallpaper!! Normally, i would run away from the IDEA of wallpaper in my house. BUT, i found this jem: I LOVE it! I want it in my kitchen... (along with new tile... but thats another story). My problem... it's $85 a roll people! A ROLL! hmmm... have enough money to buy diapers or buy the wallpaper? IF only i was rich....

Hannah is 1!

2011-02-04T12:04:00.000-08:00

I don't have a whole lot of time to update (i actually don't have a whole lot of time at all these days with a toddler around here!) but i'm deciding to write just a little about our lives lately.

Hannah celebrated her first birthday on saturday January 22nd! Her party was lady bug themed and it turned out to be pretty cute.It was a small party with close friends and family and we had alot of fun.

Hannah also started walking on her birthday! :) Now, she thinks she has to start running! She starts off walking and then trys to go faster which usually results in her landing on her face! Poor girl! SHe still only has two teeth, but we can tell and the doctor told us that she has plenty more trying to make their appearance! At her 1 year check up, Hannah weighed 24lbs and was 29 1/2in long. So she's just a big girl all the way around for her age! BUt really... what can you expect coming from a family like mine?

We have been so blessed and happy this past year with her.

...oh and since the day Hannah was born, she's had a clogged tear duct! It would constantly water up and produce gunky boogers. We'd have to clean it several times a day. she hated it... we hated it. So when i took her to her one year check up, the doctor told me since it hadnt cleared up on its own yet, that it probably wouldnt. So, we made an appointment with the Opthemologist to get it fixed. THEN.... while Travis and I were in San Antonio, it miraculously healed itself! IT hasn't made one gunky booger since last weekend! I like to think of it as God's way of reminding us that he is in control and that he takes care of things on his own time! Thank you God for healing her eye so that she didn't have to have surgery!

2010-12-28T11:36:00.000-08:00

Even though i feel like nothing to exciting has happened to us sinc emy last post, i feel a need to contribute to the "Blogging" world so i'll make an attempt!

Update:
1. Hannah is now 11 months old. I can't believe that in 3 1/2 weeks my little tiny new born baby girl will be a year old! To say this year went by in the blink of an eye is a bit of an understatement! SHe is doing fantastic. She weighs 21lbs 10 oz. and is a little over 29 inches long now! She's crawling around, pulling up on everything (even if it's not sturdy), and really beginning to start walking! I'm not ready for her to be so grown up! Travis and I are really enjoying this age she is at. She is so much fun! When i look at her i see a little toddler and not a baby and it makes me a little sad, but i knew it was going to happen!

2. Our very good friend Jeremy has been deployed in Afghanistan since June, but got to come home for his R&R earlier this month. He's been dating a very sweet girl, Cassie, for a while now and finally decided to ask her to marry him! He asked me to photograph the proposal and of course i was delighted to do it! We couldn't be more happy for Jeremy!

3. Christmas was fantastic this year! Hannah had no idea what was going on, but loved all of the new toys she received! Traivs' family all pitched in and got us tickets to go see the SPURS!!!! We are so excited about it! Everyone in our family is doing well, and so we were grateful for that during the holidays!

4. I've still got my last 10 or so pounds to loose so my friend Katie and I are doing weight watchers together again. We both do so much better on it when we can be accountable to each other! So my plan is to have lost all the weight by then end of Febuary!

WE hope you all have a safe new years and wish you the best in 2011!
-Jen

Young hip momma...

2010-11-18T13:32:00.001-08:00

Anyone who has known me long, knows that i like to keep things new and fresh. I look forward to change and embrace the difference between the old and the new. I live off of the joy any change has to bring to my life!

So this past weekend, I made a change.. A change that I personally LOVE, but i can tell my husband doesn't LOVE so much. He won't ever admitt it, but i've known him long enough to tell when he's just trying to be nice. It doesn't help that he almost loathes change in any form.

It's cute, it's fun and it's so easy to take care of! It's....

My new hair-do! I had at least 6 inches cut off in hopes that i would look more young and hip, you know... less like an old grungy momma. I felt like i had accomplished it, until my 92 year old grandma told me that i looked like a mom now.....

kind of killed my buzz, but i still like it!

I promised!

2010-11-12T07:38:00.000-08:00

I promised you all some pictures, and even though there aren't a WHOLE lot there are a few!

For Halloween every year since 2006, Travis and I have been carving a pumpkin together. Well this year we had Hannah around to "help". In all actuallity, she could have cared less about the pumkpin and all she wanted was for us to play with her. SO carving the pumpkin this year wasn't so much of a team effort as a switch off. One of us would take care of Hannah while the other one worked on the pumkin... alone. Maybe next year she will actually be old enough to want to help a little more!

( "helping") with the finished product

This year for Halloween, Hannah was the cutest little pumpkin! ANd yes, i know she's not old enough for candy, but we took her trick or treating ANYWAY, because her momma IS old enough :).

Of the subject of halloween, for the past 2 or so weeks, Hannah has been putting herself to sleep. Up until then/now, we had been swaddling her, or rocking her, or putting her in her swing to watch baby einstein until she fell asleep and then laying her down. Surprisingly, she's done really well with it. She usually just lays down and goes right to sleep. One day for nap time we layed her in the crib but she began to cry for about 10 minutes. Then it was very quiet. So i went in to check on her, and this is what i found:

That's right! She fell asleep sitting up! So the picture is kind of blurry, but it's because i snapped it and ran before she could wake up! There was no way i was NOT going to get a picture of this!

SO there you go! Those are the pictures from our life as of lately! Other than that, we live a pretty boring life. Hannah is teething again so our days (or my days i should say) are full of her being fussy and clingy! I'm ready for all of her teeth to be in already!!

I've missed the past couple of days of writing something i'm thankful for so here are the thigns i'm thankful for, for days 9, 10, 11 and 12.

9. My camera so i can capture special moments that i don't want to forget!

10. my church family

11. In honor of veterans day (11-11) our men and women who have served, are serving or will serve our country.

12. Basketball games! Travis and I are going to the men's Texas Tech game tonight and will be baby free! Thanks to his parents for watching her!

Blessings!

Jen

Playing Catch up!

2010-11-08T12:20:00.000-08:00

WOW! it's been a long time since i've written anything! Here's a small update!

1. Today is the love of my life, father of my baby girl, and best friend's birthday! Travis turns 24 today! We began our journey together 8 years ago and i'm so glad i've gotten to spend all 8 birthdays with him! Happy Birthday love!

2. Hannah is crawling, climbing and getting into everything she can find! I'm a busy momma trying to keep her out of stuff! SHe is now 9 1/2 months old and i still can't believe she'll be a year old in January! It's going by way to fast! i miss my tiny 7lb 2oz baby girl!! I've been asked if it was easier when babies are newborns or when they are hannah's age and are more independant. I replied by saying it was kind of hard to even answer that because each stage is so different and hard for different reasons! BUT i do know that i am enjoying each and every stage of Hannah's life as much as i can because i know it doesn't last forever!

3. AUnt Laci and Uncle Eric are here visiting. Travis and Laci's Uncle Cary and his family are also here visiting from Oregon! so we are all having fun hanging out with family and spending quality time together!

AND in honor of the month of November, I'm going to post 8 (for each day that has already past this month things or people i am thankful for. Then everyday hereafter, i'll post something else!

1. My Husband who loves me even when i dont deserve it
2. my beautiful 9month old baby girl who lights up my world
3. My husbands job... it doesn't pay much, but its enough to let me stay home with my baby
4. the food in my kitchen! ( in this economy that's more than a lot of people have)
5. warmth.... heaters, blankets, coats...etc.
6. the health of all of those i love!
7. Diet DR. Pepper.... i'm pretty much an addict
8. Jesus and his never fading love for his people

I'll post pictures soon! Maybe my next post will just be pictures to make up for the boring post you are now reading!

HOpe you all are having a wonderful Fall!

How far i've come....

2010-10-01T13:18:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'm finally brave enough to post these! After i had Hannah this is what i looked like:

YUCK! just looking at this picture makes me miserable!.. I realize it's not like a full body shot or anything, but i never took one so this is the best i could do. In this picture i weighed 198lbs! Whew... that was tough to say out loud!

Here i am now:

And even though i have no make up on and am not GORGEOUS in these pictures, i hope you can tell the difference. I have lost a total of 30lbs since that day and currently weigh 167lbs. My BMI chart says that for my height and activity level, i should be between 155lbs-175lbs... so i'm right in the middle. I still want to loose 10-15 lbs.... but I've been stuck at 167 for about a month now!

If you have any weight loss tips, please let me know!

Thanks for letting me share!

Jen

Someone who REAALLLLYYY loves me....

2010-09-23T13:51:00.001-07:00

needs to dig really deep into their pockets and buy me this,

What is it? It's a Silhouette! You can go here and read all about it... www.qksilhouette.com.

I really really really think it would be neat to own one! If only i could grow my own money tree??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Change of subject, things in our household have been good. I've started teaching at BH (a preschool at our church) and Hannah is getting to go as well. We are both really enjoying it. We don't have enough babies signed up though, so they have to take my class away :( . So after this month, i'll be a sub. BUT, Hannah will still get to go so im still happy about that.

Hannah turned 8 months old yesterday! I can't believe it. It really feels like maybe last month i gave birth to such a tiny little girl, and now she's a lot bigger and can do a lot more things. Things like:

*go from laying down to sitting up all on her own

* rock from her knees to her hands in the crawling position (although still not really crawling yet)

* eating all baby foods/snacks (she can feed her snacks to herself when she feels like it)

* say "da-da"

* reply with a growl when you ask her what a cougar says ( i taught her that!)

*she now sleeps UNSWADDLED ( she slept swaddled until she was 7 months old)

That's really all of the new stuff i can think of. She's just growing everyday and it's all so bittersweet!

Little girls...

2010-08-19T11:41:00.001-07:00

I've been around plenty enough baby boys to know just how fun and easy they are to raise. Their rough and tough and can entertain themselves to a T. They don't need the perfect bow to match the perfect dress and accessorize with the cutest shoes.

However, Travis and I gave birth to a little girl. A drama queen. A prissy missy who cries even at the slightest little bonk on the head. A little girl who can't stand to get her hands dirty (i've learned this even already even just at 7months and i fully blame it on her daddy). A princess who thinks it's her way or the highway. ANd i've learned that even though girls are slighty a tad bit harder to deal with, they are the sweetest. Their hugs are more tender and soft. Their love is unreal. They smell pretty. They look cute in their frilly dresses. They have a contagious smile and an adorable giggle.

Little girls are worth all the headache's and pain that come with the raising!

THis is why i love our little girl...

(picture taken by her Aunt Laci!)

How can you resist such sweetness?

sick baby = no fun

2010-07-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while since i've written, but Hannah has been sick for the past week and needless to say, i haven't had a whole lot of "Me" time... or sleep time for that matter :). But she's on the way back to health and things are looking up!

Since i wrote last, Aunt Laci has come to visit us from Abilene twice! We've been having lots of fun with her and we are so happy she is closer now! So, if you are in the Abilene area/Lubbock area and need a photographer, i can honestly say she is the best! Check out her website at, zoeticimages.com. It's probably not updated a whole lot because while she was in Wyoming, she wasnt able to do much.

On another note, Hannah will be 6 months old tomorrow. Every age is bittersweet. I want her to grow up and to be able to do things on her own, but when she does i get sad! I know it will just continue to get worse. Either way, she's growing up and learning new things everyday.

At 6 months Hannah:
*can Feed herself a bottle
*can roll from one side of the room to the other
*can pick up her toys and put them in her mouth
*can laugh and smile
*will look at you when you call her name
*play with her toes
*sit up on her own with no support! (she still looses her balance sometimes)
*she eats baby food and loves everything except for peaches
*has a big attitude already! ( I can tell her teenage years will be LOADS of fun)

Travis is working like crazy, and i just try not to spend too much money :). We are dirt poor, but i love staying home with Hannah and being there to teach her new things and to witness all of her firsts. I would be sad if i had to miss all of that. So other than taking care of Hannah and working, the Armstrongs arent' up to much!

( Hannah with Aunt Laci and Daddy on the 4th of July)

(sitting up all by herself)

(feeding herself)

Pools and Moving!

2010-06-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, Hannah and I went swimming with Jenni and her kids at their community pool. This family has always been a specail part of our lives. Jenni's husband was our youth minister from when we were in the 8th grade to when we graduated high school. We both look up to Jenni and "honey" as he is referred to in her blog very much. So when I got the text asking us to come and swim with them, i was pretty excited.

So anyway, we went swimming. It was hot.... i mean hot! Although, compared to most of the summer days this year, it was pretty nice. There was a light breeze and the cold water felt nice! Hannah didn't make it too long before she passed out!

Poor girl has my "sun fearing" skin and would probably burn real easily. So ontop of caking her in sunscreen, i laid her in the shade so she wouldnt get burnt. I had fun talking to Jenni and watching "Bubba", "Brooke" and "Mary TuTu" swim and play.

By the time we got back to their house, it was time for Hannah to eat. I'm not sure if this is "Brooke" or "Mary TuTu" who fed her because i don't know which nick name belongs to who... but one of them offered to feed her for me!

Hannah doesn't mind who feeds her, as long as she's getting fed! It's fun to watch the twins interact with Hannah and get excited around her. I remember when THEY were babies and I was the one who wanted to hold them and feed them and babysit them. SO i guess it's a cycle.

Hannah and I enjoyed our time with Jenni and her family. Thank you Jenni for the invite!

*******************************************************************************

Hannah is now officially 5 months old and let me tell you...

*she is a chunk! She is 25 1/4" long and weighs 17 lbs (according to our method of Travis weighing himself and then holding hannah).

*She's still rolling all over the place

*She's babbling ALOT these days and goes on and on and on about it!

*She's beginning to take one long nap during the day and that's it!

*She's tried Squash, Green Beans, carrots, Sweet Potatoes and Peas and so far has enjoyed all of them!

* She's getting really close to sitting on her own and crawling.

All in all she's a very good baby. She's at such a fun age and Travis and I are really enjoying watching her learn new things! Let me tell you though, she is so hard to make laugh! We'll do ANYTHING to make her laugh and it usually takes everything we've got. And whatever was funny to her yesterday, won't be funny to her today. She'll just give us a look like, "Really? didn't you already do this yesterday?" So... we're constantly trying to do new things!

Travis' sister, Laci, is on her way back to TEXAS!!! For those of you who don't know, she's been living in Wyoming for the past year and half and boy has she been missed! Her husband just got a new job back in Abilene and he starts in July! So they are on their way back to Texas as we speak. They will stop in Colorado for the night and will continue here tomorrow! We could not be more happy about this move and we praise God for this blessing!! SO now.. if you know her... encourage her to start having babies so Hannah can have some cousins to play with! :) We love our Aunt Laci!

We love you all and pray that you are being truly blessed!

-Jen

Father's Day

2010-06-21T06:32:00.000-07:00

Well, Father's day was yesterday! It was Travis' frist father's day and we had a pretty good day. Yesterday morning i laid Travis' gift with Hannah and told Travis, "Come here! Hannah has something for you" Hannah was holding a card from the both of us and a painted tile piece with her footprints on it:

It was a sweet moment and my plan was to get pictures, but i forgot! I was so upset that i had forgotten. Travis said we could re-enact it, but it just wouldnt be the same.

We went to church were Mr. Dale read letters from some of the father's children and we sang "We love you with the love of the Lord..." as a congregatoin to all of the father's.

After church, we went to lunch with my dad/family at Rockfish (my dad's favorite resturant).

That evening Travis and I went to eat at Rosa's with his family and went to his grandparents house to play card games! We had a lot of fun and Hannah even tried to help travis play his hand!

All in all we had a really relaxing and good day! Travis is an amazing father and even though Hannah doesn't understand or know it yet, someday she will. When she does know, she'll be able to give him the honor and thanks he deserves! Travis, Hannah and I love you more than you'll ever know! Thank you for all that you do!

I hope everyone else's husbands/father's had a wonderful father's day!

-Jen

Back in the saddle...

2010-06-18T14:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've written a post in my blog so i thought since Hannah is napping i would write one.

Although it's been a while since i've written, nothing too grand has happened in the Armstrong household. BUt, here are a few things i havn't mentioned yet:

1. Hannah is now eating a little bit of baby food. We've found out that she loves sqaush and green beans, but not so much cereal. She's usually a mess when she eats it!

(told you!)

2. Travis and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary on June 9th. Travis' mom came over and watched hannah for a couple of hours so that we could go eat and watch a movie! It was the first time we've been on a date since hannah was born, so we had a lot of fun!

3. We found out that Travis' sister, Laci, will be moving back to Texas at the end of the month! We are super pumped about it and will probably be making a lot of trips to Abilene once they arrive and get settled.

4. Hannah and I have been swimming a lot this summer and i've only gotten burned once! She really didnt enjoy it too much the first time we tried swimming, but now once she gets used to it, she splashes and talks away!

5. We now have a roller! Hannah loves to roll from one side of the room to the other. However, she only knows how to roll to one side so once she runs into something, she doesnt know how to roll back!

6. Hannah will be 5 months old on wednesday the 22nd. It makes me incredibly sad to know she is already almost a 1/2 year old!

That's really all the new things i needed to fill you in on. We are enjoying our summer. I wish Travis could hang out with us more during the days but unfortunately he has to work so that Hannah and I can play all day! I hope he truly undersstands how much he is loved and appreciated for it!

Hope your summer is going well and that you all are having a blessed day!
-Jen

during a nap...

2010-05-06T13:41:00.001-07:00

I decided since i finally got my Hannah to take a nap, i'd write a little post to update everyone who's interested.

We just got back from california on monday (sunday for Travis) and we're trying to get Hannah back into her normal routine. California was a blast, but it took a tole on Hannah's sleeping habits. So right now, we're having fun trying to get her to sleep good again. We went to disneyland while we were there and i really enjoyed it. Travis on the other hand, well i think he TRIED to enjoy it.. but he's just not the type of person to enjoy being in large crowds of annoying people with gut wrenching rides and unhealthy food. In fact, i can never get him to go the fair with me every year because of those same reasons. It didn't help that we drove 2 hours all the way from our hotel to get there only to realize we had forgotten Hannah's bottles! I think i almost had a heart attack when we made that realization... hannah loves her food! Luckily, a small store inside disneyland had a little dinky dink bottle that we bought and used while we were there.

Rex graduated on Saturday, May 1st (my mom's birthday) which i'm sure was the best birthday gift he could have given my mom. We also went to the beach that day. It was windy and cold, but it was also Travis' first time at the beach so i think he really enjoyed it! Sunday was May 2nd and for all of us Greenlawn/ex-Greenlawn youth groupers, that day will always hold a special place in our hearts. I didn't say anything about it to anyone on that day while in california, but i did and I always think of those 6 girls whose lives ended and ask God to give them lots of hugs and kisses from us all. It's been 11 years, but sometimes it feels like it wasn't that long ago.

Other than trying to get back into our normal routine, not much is going on! I bet you are all surprised right? Summer is coming up fast and i can't wait to take hannah swimming! The way she kicks in her bath water makes me really think she'll enjoy being in a pool. Speaking of Hannah, She's smiling and talking a lot now... and even though we aren't 100% sure, we think she is teething. She's slobbering enough to make a small pool and loves to chew on her fingers. She's been real cranky (more than normal) on top of all of that which is another reason we think she is teething... i guess we'll find out soon!

That's all i have to say! I hope you are all being blessed and walking with the Lord!

Hannah at Rex's Graduation!

Hannah got to meet her cousins for the first time while in California!

Hannah at Disneyland!

Our little famliy at the beach!

much love,

the Armstrongs

Garage Sales and California!

2010-04-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

Not too much is new in the Armstrong household. But here's a small update.
April 29th- May2nd our family will be traveling to Malibu, CA for my little brother's graduation from Pepperdine! I'm super excited for my brother and everything but i'm even more super excited to be getting away for a while! PLUS it will be Hannah's first real road trip and flight! Hopefully that all goes well (fingers crossed) If she is anything like her dad, Hannah wont like flying at all... but i hope she's more like me when it comes to travel! ANyway, So to raise a little bit of money (more for the reason of getting rid of a LOT of junk we've already accumilated in the 3 years we've been married) we are having a garage sale this saturday. We're hoping ot make some money for the trip, but more important we just want to get rid of all the junk! So we may be giving some of it for free :). Getting ready for the garage sale hasn't been to bad, but i'm already ready for it to be done with.
Hannah is growing like a little weed! She has some outfits taht i just had her wearing last week and when i tried to put them on her this week they were so stinkin tight!! I want to yell "slow down girl!" But i realize that's just how it is! She's starting to babble on alot and the sounds that come out of her mouth are ridiculously cute. AND her hair is starting to really come in! I used to joke around with her a lot and tell her she was my "little old man" because she was bald on top but had a lot of hair on the sides. But now, the top of her head is really growing in some thick short hairs! She's already got so much personality in her. I really can't wait until she starts saying words. The biggest thing i'm learning with Hannah is being a mommy takes a LOT of patience and love. In fact, being a parent period isn't a breeze. Whenever i talk about our "next baby", Travis replies, "What next baby?" He's a funny one! Needless to say, she's the one that runs our lives these days. We do what she wants when she wants to! :) I respect my mom so much more now that i have little Hannah. Mom, if you're reading this, thank you for everything! :)

Travis is working a lot. He has two jobs and probably only has 4 days (if that) off in a whole month. It makes me feel really bad for him, but i guess we both agree that it's really important for me to stay home with Hannah. I love staying home with Hannah and i really feel it's a necessity for our family, I just wish Travis didn't have to work so hard. When he's not working, he's helping me take care of and raise our baby girl AND cleaning the mess Hannah and I make. I try to clean during the day while he's working, but Hannah pretty much takes up a lot of my free time. He's a rock star and Hannah and I appreciate all of his work!
I'm just busy being a new mommy. That's it. That's my life! I have learned so much about parenting and babies, but i also know it's just the beginning. There is so much more i need to learn and that i don't know. Everyday, Hannah teaches me something new! I can't believe that she will be 3 months old this month. OH! and I am currently trying to get back into shape and loose all my pregnancy weight. I lost 2lbs this week! I was having a difficult time loosing weight at first so 2 lbs to me is awesome! I only have about 27 more lbs to loose to get to my goal weight! Once i get the ball rolling and start seeing results, I love dieting and eating healthy. It's almost like a game to me!
So that's us. Pretty simple and plain.
Hope everything is going well in your neck of the woods!

With love,
Jen

New discoveries!

2010-04-01T14:23:00.000-07:00

Today, i was looking for something for Hannah to keep her mind stimulated and keep her entertained. I had heard about baby einstein from several people so i got online and checked it out. At the time, i was holding Hannah too. They have some previews you can watch of some of their dvd's. I clicked on them, and they instantly had Hannah's attention. She LOVED it! She would just watch the screen and laugh!

So, as you might have guessed i went to Target and looked for a Baby Einstein movie to get her! We ended up getting the Baby Einstein Baby Mozart disc. I layed hannah on her play mat and put the movie on. I left the room to clean some in her room and when i came back she was just starring at the screen as happy as can be. It says it's for babies 3+ months, but Hannah is on her way to three months and loves it anyway.
So naturally, being a mom...i thought i'd snap a picture and put it on my blog!

She absolutely was entranced by all the bright colors and music.

(you can kind of see the flatness of the back of her head in this picture :( )

We definately need something for her to sit in while she watches it so it doesn't get worse. Do Bumbo seats work well for babies who can't fully sit on their own yet?? If so, i need to get one!

Another discovery i made this week, Hannah loves her Jenny Jump! She hasn't quit figured out how to use her legs to jump yet, but she still loved sitting in it!

Yes, she is in the doorway of a bathroom. I had her sit in it while i applied makeup so i could watch her!

We are having so much fun growing! She's getting so chunky and just makes my life full of so much more joy than i've ever known before! Babies just have a way of making life sweeter :)!

2010-03-30T13:45:00.000-07:00

I guess since Hannah is taking a nice little nap i can update a little.

Hannah is doing well. She's growing way too fast... like a little weed to be exact. I wish there was some way to slow her down. She's talking alot now. Well, "talking" to her is actually, "Ahh" and "Uhh Uhh" lol. But she's becoming more alert and is usually more awake during the day now. Travis and I enjoy making her smile and watching her try to figure out how to control her arms and legs. Right now, she enjoys eating, being held, being talked to, and getting to look at anything new!

However, she hates when we take the bottle away to burp her, lay her down for longer than 10 minutes, and tummy time. She absolutely HATES tummy time. The doctor told me to give her tummy time 3 times a day for 15 minutes each. When i actually DO give her tummy time, she screams the whole time and it breaks my heart.

Other than all of that, i'm just trying to do everything right! Her head is getting a little flat in the back because at night, she sleeps on her back. I've tried everything to get her to sleep on her sides and i even hold her during the day to where there is no constant pressure on the back of her head... but im kind of losing that battle! It's not bad, but it defiantely has a flatness to it..

In other news, Travis and I are officially members of the Zach's Club Gym. We were going to Freedom Fitness, but we made the switch because i wanted to take fitness classes which Freedom doesn't offer AND Zach's has daycare. SO if i wanted to work out but had no one to watch Hannah, i still have no excuse not to go!

I'm also currently on weight watchers and let me tell you, it's frusterating. In the past month that i have been doing it, i've lost 4 lbs! Thats it! BUt this week, i've been kicking tail in the gym so here's hoping for a bigger number! I've got a lot of pregnancy weight to loose!

What's new in your world?

The night life

2010-03-24T14:14:00.000-07:00

(Just for picture sake!)

I read in an article that once your baby is 6 weeks old, you can start a nightly routine in order to get your baby to sleep longer. This routine is supposed to help your baby distinguish the difference between daytime and nighttime. So when Hannah turned 6 weeks old, Travis and I started giving her a bath, massaging her with lotion, swaddling her and giving her the night time bottle. We did this about the same time every night.

Hannah started sleeping through the night last week (she was 8 weeks). It was exciting and it made me very happy! I was hoping this habit would stick, but sadly every since saturday night, she has decided she wants to wake up at least twice a night. I'm not sure why or what it is that is waking her up. We have the same routine and everything. The only thing we could think of was that we weren't keeping her busy enough during the day. So for the past two or three days, i've been taking her shopping, playing with her on her floor mat, holding her and talking to her and many other things to keep her busy and awake. Well, last night was the worst night we've had in a long time. She went to bed at 10:30:pm. She woke up at 12am, 2am, 4:30am and again at 5:30am.

Maybe it's just the way it is. Are babies supposed to be this fickle?? How did your baby's sleep patterns differ when they were around 8 weeks? Do you have any secrets to share? FILL ME IN! lol I'm curious to see what your nightly routines were/are.

Jen

Catching up!

2010-03-21T13:38:00.001-07:00

I seriously thought about not ever writing in my blog again, until my sis-in-law convinced me that i needed to keep her updated since she lives in WY! SO, i'll continue writing for her since she's one of the very few that even reads it!

So here's some news.... Hannah is here!! Well.. she's been here. In fact, she's been here for two whole months now! Why am i JUST now writing about her?? well, she has kept me pretty busy! She controls my life and i love it! I'm loving being a mommy and she's been a pretty good baby so far. She even sleeps through the night now!

Down to the details, Hannah was born on January 22, 2010. She weighed 7lbs 2oz. She was 19 inches long and perfect in every way!

Hannah about 10 minutes after being born.

She's learned how to smile now which is my new favorite thing to try to get her to do.

This is a picture taken last week by her aunt Laci!

All in all, we are loving being parents. Travis has never been so smitten and I love to watch him play with her and make her smile. Right now she enjoys eating and sleeping the most. I can't blame her though... if i could i would sleep and eat all day too!

Other than the obvious big changes, Travis is working two jobs (one full time, one part time) so that i can stay at home with Hannah, which i love and i am forever grateful to him for that. I'm always trying to look for ways to make/save money so if you have any tips, let me know!

I WON!

2010-01-21T13:27:00.000-08:00

I just had to blog about my current winning.....

Today, i won lunch for two from KCBD News Channel 11 for Weinerschitzel!!!!

I've never eaten there before, and the thought of eating fast food chili cheese covered everything, kind of makes me sick! BUT I actually WON something! and that's all thats important.

Surrounding myself with God

2010-01-20T14:40:00.000-08:00

I've made a few mistakes in the past few months that have hurt myself, my husband and of course our marriage. Nothing major.. just small but yet big mistakes that effected us more than i thought it did or would at the time. (I guess that is my repentance statement).

So on top of getting back into prayer and daily conversation with my Lord, I am also choosing to surround myself with everything Godly and God-like. I am making a list of things to do in order to keep me accountable in my goal! I've made a list of books to read, devotionals to complete, volunteer work i can get involved in, and ways I can show God to someone else.

I started today with Beth Moore's devotional, "A Woman's Heart; God's dwelling place". It's an 11 week devotional that I can only expect will put me back in "Awe" of my God. I LOVE Beth Moore and the ministry she does, and i'm so excited to get into God's word with her.

I said that some choices I made have affected my marriage more than i thought they would. About a year ago, I bought the book, "The Love Dare" in an attempt to do as the book says and show love towards my husband. Well, i let the days pass by and never made it past day one. So, completing the Love Dare is also on my list. (Hopefully that doesn't ruin the process by me telling the world i am doing it? :) )

Travis and I also attended a marriage retreat back in october. They had a session over husbands showing their wives love and in return wives showing their husbands respect. I have to admitt that Travis has not been recieving the respect he so desperately needs from me as his wife. It's only been a couple of months since this retreat, and i have already failed. We were given a book (FOR FREE!), "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. AGAIN, i told myself i would read that book and forever show the respect God demands me to show towards my husband. BUT i didn't and obviously "forgot" that love is followed by respect. SO, reading this book and putting it into action is also on my list.

There are several things I have to keep me surrounded by God and i have them all written down. These readings/activities/friendships and relationships are bound to keep me close to my God and strengthen my relationships.

I'm about to be a mom (woo hoo!) and I'm so worried that she'll see me do or say the wrong thing and she won't be able to see the good Lord in her own mother. I have to start taking my spiritual being more seriously, not just for myself, but for my family. I so depserately want to be a "Godly woman" role in my family. It is my prayer that God will break my heart and mold it into something new and fresh.

How is your relationship with God? I pray we are all surrounding ourselves with the love of God and reciprocating it to others!

God Bless!

Jen

Getting closer!

2010-01-11T12:54:00.001-08:00

So, if you take a look above, you can see from the count down that i only have 15 more days until my due date! I've been doing all of the wierd things people say to do in order to go into labor, and let me tell you.... Hannah is already just as stubborn as Travis and I are put together... she's not going anywhere until she is good and ready! I am a little sad, because i recently just found some stretch marks and i thought i was doing so well about not getting them...but it's just part of it so i have moved on!

Life is strange being 9 months pregnant. My life, along with Travis' of course, is about to change forever. We will no longer be "Travis and Jennifer" but "Travis and Jennifer, plus one". Travis and I have been together since we were 15, and were best friends before that. We used to talk about the future and about how if we ever did get married how many kids we wanted... etc. Well now... in about or around 15 more days, we will actually have a little baby. We've come a very long ways together, and it while i am extremely excited about the new addition to our family, it's a little sad to say goodbye to just, "Travis and Jennifer".

Other than that, I'm so ready for her to be here, in our arms and enjoying life! I'm a little nervous about how big she may or may not be. Lately, because of the holidays.... i've had to see several different doctor's when i go to a doctor's appointment. So i get a different opinion about her size everytime. Two of the four doctors i have seen have told us that Hannah will be a big baby, while the other two say she shouldn't be too big at all. So i've come to the conclusion... they have no idea what they are talking about! :) lol

Travis and I are so excited about bringing Hannah into the world. I'm also a little nervous. I don't know how i'm going to protect her from all of the bad things that people do or all of the insane crazy things that happen. BUT Hannah will have God in her life so i know she will be fine!

My pregnancy journey with Hannah has been a pretty smooth one. I have been blessed with a normal and healthy prenancy with absolutely zero problems. God trully smiled down on Travis and I and blessed us with such an easy pregnancy. I am thankful for that.

However, I absolutely CAN NOT wait to be able to do the following:
1. sleep on my tummy again :)!!!!!
2.Losing all the weight i gained during my pregnancy plus a few extra!
3. Not having to waddle when i walk! :)
4. Being able to take long walks....
5. Hold my baby girl while she is sleeping
6. Make my baby laugh
7. See Travis hold his little girl with that special tenderness father's have with their babies
8. Watch my little girl grow up to be a Godly woman
9. Share my little one with the world :)

There are so many things I can't wait for! PLease little Hannah.... come out soon!! We want to play with you :).

Preggo Update...

2009-12-19T09:11:00.001-08:00

I'm now almost 35 weeks pregnant and getting more anxious as time goes by... so to help pass some of the time i decided to fill you guys in on what's going on with my body/life/and baby.

SO i only have about 5 to 5 1/2 weeks left.. or at least i hope. I'm praying she wont be late, but i know she'll come when she is good and ready to... but a girl can hope :). I'm having a lot of leg discomfort, but i'm pretty sure it's because i'm not drinking enough water or eating/drinking enough calcium which i am trying to work on both. I wake up multiple times during the night just to turn over because my leg is killing me!! I spend a lot of my time stretching these days to relieve the achyness.

I'm surprised to say that i usually only have to get up ONE TIME to pee. I've heard my whole life that, that is the most annoying part is getting up several times during the night to use the bathroom. So either something else is wrong, or i just got lucky.

I can tell Hannah is running out of room, because i feel every little movement. AND i think i am experiencing some Braxton Hicks contractions because my uterus will get real hard on the sides and top and stay hard for about a minute or so... but the contrations aren't painful and they definately aren't repeating a pattern of any sort.

The baby still hasn't "dropped" i guess. I'm still carrying pretty high. I'm just waiting for her to drop. It seems like i'm just sitting around waiting for everything, which is probably why i'm getting way to anxious these days. I'm still walking around normally... you know.. no waddle or anything.

I AM happy to say that i havn't gotten any stretch marks yet, so YAY! I've been lotion-ing it up and trying to make sure my skin stays soft. I also havn't experienced any bad swelling ( Getting fat and swelling are two different things)... lol. I don't know how, but my wrists, ankles, legs ... they're all still their normal size.

I say i'm tired of being pregnant, but honestly i've been very blessed. I've had an extremely easy pregnancy (knock on wood!) and the baby and myself are both looking healthy. BUT, i'll be happy to feel normal again, loose the weight and SEE my baby!! :)

I have the baby's room all set up and ready, and i've begun packing our hospital bags... trying to make sure that everything is getting done. I don't know if i've gotten into the "Nesting" Phase, or if i'm just so ready for her to be here, that i think if i get everything done, she'll come! :) That would be wonderful!

SO, i'm 34 weeks 4 days pregnant.... only 37 more days to go!

Happy HOlidays from the Armstrongs! :)

Pregnancy Blues....

2009-11-03T11:45:00.001-08:00

This really isn't something I ever thought i'd say... but i'm tired of being pregnant!

I'm tired of being tired because i can't sleep as good as i used to.
I'm tired of not being able to control my emotions.
I'm tired of feeling ugly and fat.
I'm tired of the constant worrying and stressing (althought i understand that one will never go away).
I'm tired of an achy changing body.
I'm tired of people asking me how i'm feeling.
I'm tired of getting kicked in the ribs and having a back that just wont stop aching.
I'm tired of finding random skin issues on my body that come along with pregnancy
I'm just so tired.

I LOVE the fact that in 12 weeks i'm going to be a mom. It's what i've always wanted to be. It's been my only passion in life. But i could have never anticipated or imagined how hard it would be to be pregnant for 9 months! I hope i'm being a good wife. I hope i'm not too moody towards my husband and that he feels i'm still contibuting something to our marriage, but i feel like all i can think about is me right now. I hope that my friends still feel like i'd do anything i could for them, but once again i'm often too tired and forget to send them a message jsut to say hello! I hope i'm being a good daughter and that my parents feel they can be proud of the parent I will be soon, but i just can't seem to care much about anything right now other than getting through the rest of my pregnancy. I feel selfish, lazy, stressed, tired, anxious, and crumy a lot these days. The days i feel energized, joyful, happy and loving seem to be out numbered by the bad days.

I'm tired.

SOmeone please tell me that this is normal. That i don't have to feel like a horrible person because i am tired. That i don't have to feel like a bad person because i don't want to be pregnant anymore. That even though i only have 12 more weeks, i wish it were more like 4..... Does this make me a bad person?

On the other "i love that I'm pregnant" side (which i often try my best to look at) today i am 28 weeks pregnant and i only have 12 more weeks to go. While i'm tired of getting kicked inthe ribs, i love feeling the movements of my baby and knowing that she is alive and okay. I enjoy the excitement people share with me when i have fun or interesting news to share about my pregnancy or baby. I can not, i repeat... i can not wait to be a mom. To be able to SEE my baby and hold her in my arms. To kiss her cheeks and wipe away her tears. I can't wait to watch Travis play with her and make her smile and laugh like he is so good at doing with others. I just can not wait for 12 more weeks to come by, but i dont have a choice. So i will wait, and try to be patient while my little baby girl is growing and getting ready for a lifetime of ups and downs with Travis and I.

Dear Hannah,

Please do not take what I am feeling personally. Some day you too will be expecting a little baby of your own and will understand the many different emotions that pregnancy brings. PLease know that I already love you with all of me heart and i would do anything for you, even if i had to carry you around inside of me for 9 more months :). In twelve more weeks, not only will i get to see you for the first time, but you will get to see your daddy and I for the first time as well. We love you sweet girl and i could not ask for a bigger more appreciated blessing from God. Until we meet, keep growing... keep kicking and try not to hurt me too bad on your way into the world ;) ok?

Love,

momma

Its about time...

2009-10-07T14:29:00.000-07:00

I stink at keeping up with blogging. It's just that.. well, my life is not very interesting, even more so now that i am unemployed and basically just sit at home and wait for my husband to come home!! I am a part time nanny, but that doesnt keep me too busy!

Other than my boredom, everything in the Armstrong house is going well. Which reminds me, i dont think i ever told you guys that baby Armstrong is a GIRL!! :) we are so excited because everyone around us has been having boys, so this little girl will be a big blessing. (not that a little boy wouldnt have been :) ) Anyway, we're naming her Hannah Rae. Hannah is the only name we could really agree on and Rae is a name passed down from my grandmother, onto me and now onto Hannah!

There she is! Already, people say she has my nose! We can't wait to meet her! only 16 more weeks....

Jen

OH yeAH! Travis finally landed a job that he absolutely loves! We have been blessed!

I stand amazed!

2009-07-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

Monday, Travis and I went to the baby's first sonogram. I'm still not sure why, but i was nervous up until we got to see the baby! The baby didn't move around very much, which also had me nervous, but the technician reassured me that the baby was just sleeping. I guess she could sense my nervousness because soon after that she let us hear the heartbeat! After that i was pretty relaxed and i really just wanted to enjoy the very few moments i would get to see my baby until the next sonogram.
I've always wondered how a person could not believe in God, but after experiencing that, I REALLY can not understand how a person can witness this liitle miracle and not be in AWE of what God has created. How can you not believe in creationism? As i laid there with my husband looking at this little life, I felt the awesomeness of God. He is forming this little life right before my eyes. This little life, even though only the size of a lime and only weighs an ounce, has a little heart and little organs and is learning to breathe. This little life inside me is forming a brain, moving around and is about to start making facial expressions.

After all of that, It's horrible to me that there are so many people out there who do not believe that this little creature is considered a "life". How can you say that someone who has all of their organs, including a HEART and a brain, is not considered a life? I didn't understand it before, and i definately don't understand it now. I never will. Abortion is such a heartless and selfish act.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll get off my soap box now. I am just in AWE with God!

I've noticed that even though my baby is only 13 weeks old, I find myself constantly worrying about it! This baby isn't even born yet, and every thought in my skull is about this baby. Is he/she getting enough nutrients? SHould i have eaten those french fries? Are they getting air? Is it alive? It just goes on and on. Motherhood has slowly started setting in.... scary!

This baby, wether i want it to or not, is already changing my life forever. I can't wait for motherhood!

UPdate

2009-06-25T08:58:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since i've written a blog entry or so, so i thought i'd just give you all a list of updates. Here goes:

1. I had my first doctor visit last week. The doctor's nurse (who is who i actually got to see) was very nice and funny. We went over the "Do's and dont's" of pregnancy. But i did NOT get to hear the heartbeat :(

2. The next day, i found out that i have a bladder infection :( so i've been taking some antibiotics for it and i have 2 1/2 more days of pills to take!

3. Travis and I took my dad to see "Year One" on father's day. Movie was funny, but a little vulgar and it was insanely hot in the theatre. I guess the air conditioner was broke, or they were just jerks and didn't turn it on.

4. I've already gained 5 lbs since i found out i was pregnant 4 weeks ago....that's not good. So instead of eating baked potatoes with butter and ranch (which is what i crave all the time) i'm trying to eat salads and fruit. PLus drink plenty of water!

5. In two more days, Travis, his family and I will be on our way to Wyoming! We are going to see Laci, Travis' sister. Plus it will jsut be nice to get out of town!

6. Travis graduated from college on May 2nd, but is having a difficult time finding a job. So please pray for that!

7. My first sonogram is July 13th! and my second appointment is the 16th!

8. I've been going to a bible study with a close friend. we're studying the book of revelations! I'm getting alot out of it so far even though i haven't been going very long.

Body Changes

2009-06-02T07:34:00.000-07:00

I've heard when women get pregnant, that some of them get morning sickness but a few are luck enough to never experience it! So when i found out i was pregnant, I was hoping i would be one of the lucky ones... but I was not. BUT there are a few days here and there that i don't get nauseous. This morning, however, was not one of those days. This morning was the first day i had to spend time "worshiping the ceramic throne". Needless to say, I am ready for my first trimester to be over!!

I am in the middle of my 6th week now, and so far i have gained 1lb! It's a little hard to accept that gaining weight is okay, because i have worked so hard for so long to LOOSE weight even if I do have another person inside me! BUT I guess 1lb in 6 weeks isn't too bad?? I just don't want to get huge! So for snacks and such, i've been eating A LOT of grapes, pears and peaches! For some reason I am craving grapes out the wassu!! But i guess thats better than craving cheese burgers right?

I have also completely given up caffeine! That's been the hardest thing for me i think. I'm trying to drink tons of water!!

Other than being tired all the time, having some morning sickness and feeling bloated.... my body hasn't experienced many physical changes. I still can't believe I have a little person growing inside of me!

Something very Exciting is about to happen!!

2009-05-29T11:27:00.001-07:00

Last Friday, Travis and I found out that we are going to be having a baby!! We are so very excited, a little scared and nervous and also anxious! My first appointment is June 17th and I already have a lot of questions for the doctor!!

When i called the doctor's office, the asistant to the doctor said "When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?" I said, "April 21st" Then a few seconds later she said, "Ok your due date is January 26th"

I had no idea that's how they find out your due date!

So anyway, Around January 26th, I will be a mommy! I already love the sound of that!

A bit Personal

2009-05-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

I want to write about something that is on my heart, but I'm struggling to find the right words.

I'm finding a joy that i had forgotten about.
A peace that I had lost.

Last night i went on my first "Walk to Emmaus" community meeting since i've gone on the walk. If you've never heard of Walk to Emmaus, it's a type of spiritual retreat that no one who has gone can really describe. It cleanses the souls of even those who aren't there to be cleansed. It reaches out to those who we all thought were unreachable. It's.... amazing.

The community meeting touched my soul last night. I jotted down a few things while sitting in a room with me fellow walkers:

Oh to be like thee
I sit in this pew and sing, a little weary and a little of key
Who is this person, this king i once knew?
I have wavered and suffered since i was last in the presence of these few

God of Justice, love and hope
I have been robbed of all knowledge of you
yet here I am trying to reach out, crying out to you for anything you can offer
My knees are weak and my soul is weary

People here glance and smile
not knowing the hurt i hold inside
I search deep inside me to find the energy to smile back
not wanting them to know, hoping they can't see that I've lied

you know the hurt i feel, the loneliness i hold
you know the reason behind the tears i've cried
But i can't find a hand to reach out to and hold
it doesn't matter where i've been or how hard i've tried

My faithful one, my King and savior
my soul was once filled with your spirit
I faintly remember the feeling, the joy and the peace i felt
But with the years came the pain, the suffering and the loss

Deceit, corruption, lies, and the spiritualy sick
all surround me, knocking at my soul's door
beging for a place to stay, a place to stick
fighting them off is sometimes to much of a chore

So search me Oh God,
find all that is evil within me and rid me of it
make me a better servant to your kingdom
find whatever is good in me and use it
Use it for the the good of others
for the good of our country and our world

Use it for the sake of my marriage and my friendships
Let my light shine in any darkness that i find

get me out of the place i have become so complacent with
Keep me in your presence, shield me from the bad

This is my plea, my only desire.
My last hope, my breaking point

It's a little deep and dark. But it's truth. Truth is what i need right now....

Just a video

2009-05-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

I found this video on my parent's computer! This is the slideshow we had at our wedding, and i wanted to share it with you all!

My Little Miracle Puppy...

2009-04-24T07:45:00.001-07:00

I have this dog named Jax. Only this dog is not JUST a dog to me, but more like a child. He's the closest thing to a child that i have right now. He is the most precious thing to me (other than my husband and stuff.. you know) I hate to play favorites, but he's my favorite dog (sorry Abby!).

Anyway, on monday, I got off work around 4. I usually piddle around the house for a while and then let the dogs in to play with them/feed them dinner. I had just finished a conversation with Travis through the wonderful world of texting! (really, where would we be without texting?? :) ) I decided it was time to let my doggies in to play/eat! USUALLY when i open the door, they come running up with their tails wagging and that silly expression on their face that makes it look like they are laughing but really they are just hot and breathing hard... you know what im talking about??

So anyway, THIS time, there were no dogs at the door when it was opened.... in fact, when i looked around the backyard there were no dogs in sight anywhere! SO i ran around the backyard searching in every little corner just hoping they were just in a deep sleep or something... but i never found them! I instantly texted Travis and said, "ummmm....our dogs are gone!" (He couldn't hear the tone in my voice or see my reaction but i was freaking out!!)

I walked around the neighborhood hoping that they had jsut gotten out recently and were somewhere close to home...but they were nowhere in sight. Travis called me and said he would be taking off work early to come home and help look for them.

I got in my car and decided i would drive all around the neighborhood in order to find my "children", or at least thats what they are to me in my mind! lol I found Abby a few blocks over trying to hunt stuff. (If you don't know Abby, well, we call her our clearance puppy. We bought her for a pretty cheap price and found out later why she was so cheap! Abby is scared of everything.... and im not just saying that. When we go for walks, if the wind slightly moves through the trees of a bush, and that tree or bush moves... it scares her. If there is a flock of birds that fly over the house, she cowers down. Most of the time, she's in her own little world where she's the mighty hunter and everythign that moves is her prey... yes... sometimes even a leaf! She runs and runs and runs but not in a particular pattern or order, but rather a very spastic and disorderly manner. She's a little special... but we love her)

So anyway, i found her "hunting" something in a field a few blocks over, but there was no JAx :(. When i called her name, she didn't even hear me because she was so focused on getting whatever it was she was "hunting". So when i got closer and yelled, "ABBY!" She jumped back, looked up and started doing all her tricks at once! (once again, clearance puppy. and if you have ever seen her do all her tricks at once, you know what im talking about! If not, come over and watch!) Eventually i got her into the car and back into our house. I dropped her off there, texted Trav to let him know i found her and continued to look for Jax.

I searched high and low for Jax. I drove up and down every block on our side of the neighboorhood sometimes two or three times really slowly. I'm sure the people living on those blocks were a little concerned that i was planning something bad, but i didnt care. I drove around our neighboorhood looking for JAx for a little over an hour. I drove back home heartbroken and feeling defeated. Travis came home 15 min. later and off we went again looking for him. We looked for another hour or so and came back home to check on Abby. I decided JAx was either taken or further away than i thought.... or maybe something i didnt even want to think about. So i stayed home and cooked dinner, but Travis was not satisfied. He went BACK out searching for him for another hour!! We were hopeful, but we didn't find him.

The Armstrong household was heartbroken. I cried and sulked a lot, Abby was confused and lonely. She kept walking from the front door and back to us whining and whimpering. Travis was sad, but mainly i think he was more sad that Abby and I were so sad. The next day Travis went to all the veternarian places and had been to the shelter twice! we put up flyers asking people to call us if they found him. Travis even put an ad in the news paper. We were desperate, but hopeful.

Then Wednesday night came around, and we still hadn't heard anything about him and we still hadn't found him. Honestly, i think Travis and I were both sure we would never see JAx again. I only hoped that he was safe with a caring family somewhere. We had gone to bed, but i couldn't sleep so i eventually got up and layed on the couch to watch some late night with Jimmy Fallon! Around 12:30am, I heard a loud continuos barking. I thought it sounded like JAx, but it was so loud i was sure it was coming from inside the house and it had to be Abby. It wasn't but 15sec until Travis was standing in the living room with Abby, only Abby wasn't barking. When Travis opened the front door, there was Jax!

Jax was out of breath and tired, like he had struggled to get free from wherever he was. We were so happy to see him i think Travis even got teary eyed! We never thought we would see him again, yet here he was...back at home and he found us all on his own. (he has never run away before so i never thought he'd be able to find our home by himself). We stayed up really late that night loving on him and taking care of him. When we looked closer, we saw that Jax had ticks!! We have NEVER had a problem with ticks at our house, so of course i started feaking out, and Travis just did not get it! At first we only saw the 6 that were in his ears. BUT i was convinced there were more so when i looked between his toes, woe and behold.... there were at least 50 more! We stayed up for a long time getting them off of him.... (im still paranoid that we have ticks in our house now!)

Travis gave him a bath and we all went to bed. Travis took him to the vet the next morning, where she told us he was all ok and looked good. We got some flea and tick killer stuff and all is well!

We could not believe that he not only found his home all on his own, but that he knew to bark right under our window to say, "IM HOME! LET ME IN!" So this story ended up having a happy ending!

A day passed and we hadn't heard anything.

Salad Heaven!

2009-04-18T12:03:00.000-07:00

I found a salad that i LOVE at Carino's Italian Grill. It's called the Pecan crusted chicken salad and it is the tastiest salad i think i have ever had!

So, of course, i had to know how many points it was worth for my diet. After looking it up i found out that the salad was 12 points... which isn't too bad, but still kind of up there considering i only get 22 points a day.

So, i went to the grocery store today to find the different ingredients so that i could make my own "healthier" version of the salad.

I didn't use any pecans (which is actually REALLY good) because they are pretty high in points. Maybe on another day when i have more points i will. AND i didn't add the purple onions or bacon (again, for the purpose of having as little points as possible).

This is the end result. One 2 oz. piece of chicken cut up into small bite size portions, a couple cherry tomatoes, 1/8 of a cup of blue cheese crumbles, 2 tblsp of bacon vinagerette and 1 cup of spinache leaves. All of the ingredients came out to equal 4 points together!

So i ate this salad for lunch and it satisfied my hunger! I was pleasantly surprised!

Now i can splurge a little tonight for hamburger night!! :)

Warning: mushy content

2009-04-08T07:31:00.000-07:00

This man is my most favorite person in the whole entire world! This is my husband/best friend, Travis.

First of all, contrary to what you all may THINK.... i am not the perfect wife :). I don't get up in the wee hours of the morning and cook him breakfast before he leaves for work/school, i don't keep the house in a tidy clean manor as often as i should, I dont even do his laundry (but thats a different story) , I have a few extra pounds i could loose, i hardly ever wear make up, and there are times that i act upon selfish desires and forget to think twice about how he may feel. Despite ALL of that... for some reason this man still chooses to love me unconditionally.... So just that alone proves that he is the best man ever!

Travis is unlike any man you will probably EVER meet. He is so passionate about the people and things that mean the most to him. I dont think i have ever met a person that is SO concerned about the people around them that they forget to think about themselves....and that is exactly what Travis does. He takes a pretty long time to decide on things.....i mean a long time.... but its only because he wants to make sure he is making the right decision, not only for him but for everyone in his life. I honestly have never met a more unselfish person than Travis.

Travis and I love to have fun. In fact, 90% of our marriage is fun! So i have a whole lot of favorite memories with him. BUT my absolute favorite is the moment we shared right after we walked back down the isle as Mr. and Mrs. When we got back into the "brides" room, Travis took my hand and said, "We made it! This is the happiest day of my life." (i know... i told you.. mushy) Anyway, neither one of us could stop starring at the other and in THAT moment, nothing could be more perfect.

Here are the top 10 reasons why I love my husband:
1. He makes delicious waffles!
2. He knows a lot more about the world than i do!
3. He is perfectly content just staying at home and watching tv with me
4. He pushes me to accomplish my goals
5. He laughs when i tell him one of my ridiculous goals
6. He enjoys life!
7. Sometimes, even though its HIS turn to pick the movie, he lets me get a chick flick when we rent a movie
8. He'll never admitt it to his guy friends, but he LOVED watching the OC with me...
9. He always ... always smells sooo good
10. He's cute bald :)

Travis,

I love love love my life with you! And i am more grateful for you than you will ever know! Thanks for putting up with me!!

After a girl is grown, her little brothers - now her protectors - seem like big brothers. ~Astrid Alauda

2009-04-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

This is my "little" Brother, Rex.
He's a little different than the rest of my family because he thinks outside the box. He has big dreams and is determined to make them happen. That's the thing about him though, he never ever gives up until he accomplishes his goals.
Rex has always been there ready to stand up for his sisters if anyone tried to hurt us. There were many times when my brother stood up for me when someone had disappointed or hurt me and i am forever grateful for that.

I have several memories with my brother that i cherish, but my favorite is of when we were in florida for a month staying with my cousins. It was a special trip because only he and I went. My older cousin, Janet, stayed upand told us scary stories (like any good older cousin would do). That night we were sitting in our other cousin, Jordan's, room just hanging around. It wasp retty wierd because all of us had to go pee at once but we were all to scared to walk out of the bedroom to the bathroom. So... we had the brilliant idea to pee in the trash can.

The next day, Rex was going to dump the pee out the window but when he picked the trash can up to do so, he dropped it and pee went EVERYWHERE. My uncle was so mad i think there was steam coming out of his ears. (Rex, im laughing so hard right now i can barely type ! haha)

Here are 10 reasons why love my brother:

1. We're only 1 1/2 yrs apart so we're super close
2. his heart is bigger than the average person (not literally, but you know)
3. He genuinely researches things before he speaks
4. he would do anything for his family
5. he's the first to admitt when he's wrong
6. Of course, he makes me laugh
7. he is the first person i know i can tell anything to
8. He is the most talented person i know
9. He is care free
10. He's my one and only brother!

I refuse....

2009-03-31T08:15:00.000-07:00

I refuse to let my mind tell my body that it can not run 13 miles!!

I'm thinking when i decided to train for a half marathon, that i was putting way more on my plate than i could hold! But, rather than discourage me from accomplishing this goal it's really just giving me more motivation.

Currently, after running 2.0 miles i feel beaten! I keep waiting for a point where i can run that far (or further) and still feel great. So for all of you runners out there... is that possible?? Do you ever get to that point?

A sister is God's way of proving that he doesn't want us to walk alone....

2009-03-27T08:23:00.000-07:00

This is my sister, Candice.

I've never met a stronger, more determined person in my entire life. For those of you who do not know, she is the mother of three crazy boys all under the age of 3! She works hard to provide them with love, care and all the necessities. She is also a loving wife to her husband Wally (pictured above with her).

My sister and I have had many memories together. Some good.. and some bad. But my favorite memory is of the time we were watching the movie "Grease". My sister, brother and I had all decided to participate in the scene when they are at the high school dance. We danced all around our living room mimicking the moves they did on the movie. OF course, my sister got to be Sandy and i had to be Cha Cha, but we still laugh to this day of how funny we looked. My sister was always making us laugh. She is the life of the party most of the time.

My sister probably never knew this, but my whole life... all i ever wanted was to be exactly like her. I think thats probably the reason we didn't get along too well when we were growing up. I was always in her space! BUT now, she is definately my best friend.

Here is a list of the top 10 things i love about Candice:

1. Of course, she makes me laugh!
2. She makes very yummy foods!
3. She has given me three crazy and fun nephews to love.
4. She likes all the same shows i do so when we get together we can discuss what we think about them and what has happened
5. She will do anything to make other's happy, even if it is at the expense of her own happiness.
6. She had to give up a lot when we were growing up for my brother and I and i've never heard much of a complaint
7. Even though she has 3 toddlers running around, she is going back to school!
8. She is a very honest person
9. She's always been there when i've needed support or advice
10. She is the best sister and friend anyone could ask for. She is very dependable and caring towards the people she loves!

Daddy...

2009-03-18T13:19:00.000-07:00

This is my daddy. (sorry for the darkness of it) I am probably the biggest daddies girl you will ever meet! My dad has a very quiet and gentle spirit. He's often outspoken and is "behind the scenes" of my family, but he is definately the back bone. He holds our family together

He used to be shy and kind of unsocial... but they moved out to the vintage township not to long ago and he came out of his shell! He enjoys meeting new people, taking his great dane on walks and sitting out on their porch. He's not the type of person who likes to make big deals out of nothing. He is simple, content and really just enjoys life.

He leads our family to be Godly people and strives to do so himself. He has a difficult time showing his affection (he's just not the lovey dovey kind) and sometimes he can come off as grumpy. But we all love him anyway! He's a wonderful dad, grandpa and son. He takes care of his mom who now lives with my parents. He has a heart of gold and is one of the most unselfish men i know.

Here is a list of the top ten things i LOVE about my dad:

* he makes yummy mashed potatoes (not WW friendly though :( )

*he's funny

* He is dedicated and when he says he's going to do something, he does it!

* He's a Godly man

*He loves my husband

* he gives big huge bear hugs

*he likes to watch movies with me

*he has a cute little smile

*his belly ... hehe its cute

* and he's my dad.... who gave up more than i will ever know to make sure we had everything we needed!

Taking a break

2009-03-12T13:40:00.000-07:00

So the diet things is getting old... both writing about it and doing it... lol So i'm doing something new to take a break!

I'm going to pick one person who is in my life to write about. Each day will be about someone new. I'll write about how we met, our experiences together, their influence on me...etc. To often, we take the ones who mean the most to us for granted. This is my way of showing those i love the appreciation i don't always give them.

First on the list: Mommy.Mom is on the right. Of course, i met my mom when she gave birth to me. There's not a whole lot of people in the world that you can honestly say will love you no matter what you do or say. But my mom has loved me everyday of my life no matter what stupid thing i did, or mean thing i said to her.

My favorite memory with my mom are of all the Christmas' we spent together. My mom loves giving and loves seeing the joy on our faces when would open gifts. She gave up so many things so that she could afford to give us a "good" christmas. We would write letters to santa, go to bed and when we woke up in the morning, there was a note from santa! These letters were so believable! the letters were always backwords and thigns were mispelled... but i just thought Santa was too busy making and delivering toys to know how to write! My mom did her best to make our Christmas' memorable!

My mom influences me more than she probably knows. Growing up, we fought non-stop and never really got along. BUt now, i value and appreciate everything my mom has to offer.... yes, even her advice! She pushes me to constantly make myself a better person today than i was the day before. Sometimes she can come off as pushy, but its really just her way of saying, "hey i believe in you!"

Mom loves God. There was never a day in my life that my mom waivered in her faith in God and if she did, she didn't show it. Every time we did something mean or bad, mom prayed WITH us so taht we could learn that when we sinned, it was important to talk to God. we've all put her through storms and dark places, but she's still strong. I know GOd is just as proud of her as i am.

This is my mom.

Sadness....

2009-03-12T13:21:00.001-07:00

My mom was telling me about a girl who works with her the other day. This girl is a good person who was just living her life the way we all do... trying to make the best of everday and doing everything she could for her family. She had a baby about a year ago, but just about a week or so ago her baby died. They said that the cause of death was shaking baby syndrome. Last i heard they were questioning the girls dad because they have reason to believe it was him.

I don't have kids yet but i still couldn't even imagine loosing my child, my sweet almost year old child to such a horrible thing.

Please keep her in your prayers as im sure this time is more than difficult for her.

May she find some peace in such a big storm......

GRrrr..

2009-03-11T17:37:00.001-07:00

Im in a "grrrr" mood today. You see... i've been trying to loose weight now for what seems like FOREVER. Today was my weigh in day and guess what?? I lost zero lbs!! GRRRR whats even more Grrrr-er is that my dad, who is not even on a diet really but just eating a LITTLE healthier and NOT exercising, has lost 25something lbs! Do you know how long it took me to loose that much? ANd he lost it in maybe 2 months!

THEN i got a text today from my wonderful husband that asked what we were having for dinner. When i told him i didn't know and asked what he wanted, he replied by saying, "I dont know but i lost weight on accident"

ACCIDENT?? are you kidding me??

UGH... men, you really can't live with them.

It's going to be a long road...

2009-03-09T10:33:00.001-07:00

In my previous post, i talked about training for a half marathon. I am writing today to tell you that as of yesterday, i have officially begun my training! Everything i have read about training for a half marathon says that i should first train for a 5k and then a 10k. SO, yesterday i decided just to see how long i could run for so that i can see where i am at and where i want to go.

Get ready to laugh.....

I ran for 12 min (about 1 1/4 miles) and had to stop! :(..... So it's not exactly what i was thinking i could do, but its a start. So i made a list of the things i need to change in order to get where i want to be.

First, I am completely giving up all diet drinks. I USED to drink regular Dr. Pepper like it was goign out of style! Then i started dieting and started drinking diet dr pepper because hey, it seemed healthier than regular dr pepper. BUT, after watching biggest loser, reading articles, listening to Travis.... i realize that diet sodas are my enemy in weight loss! SO... if i can completely give up dr. pepper then i can completely give up diet sodas too!

Second, according to all the articles i've read, a good long distance runner needs lots of carbs. This change kind of scares me because i've always been told that carbs are bad!! BUT my second favorite trainer, Jillian Michaels, told me (yes, personally :) jk) that i had a misunderstanding of carbs. Apparently there are good carbs and bad carbs... i just need to find out which are the good ones! HOpefully it doesn't jack with my weight loss....

And last but no least, I just need more self discipline in general.. which i stink at self discipline. I need to train my mind to run my body and not let my body run my mind. The articles i've read say that the worst thing a beginning runner can do is to let their body run their minds because the body will ALWAYS tell your mind that it is too tired and can't do it anymore. Which... im pretty sure when i ran yesterday, my body was ruling my mind!

So i have a plan, i have small goals that will help me acheive my big goal, and i am determined to make this happen!! Im just so excited to get there... so that i can say "Nana nana boo boo" to my husband who, even though he has every right to, does not think i will be disciplined enough to actually get there!

Stubborn body fat!

2009-03-06T08:13:00.000-08:00

So for the past year i've been off and on diets. I'm never very good at sticking to a diet for long amounts of time! I understand that "diets" don't work and that its a new lifestyle, i just haven't been able to make it a lifestyle yet.

So in the past year i have lost a total of 35lbs. Yes... it took me a WHOLE year to loose that weight! haha Anyway, i still have 15 more lbs to loose and i just haven't been able to get them off!! So i've been searching high and low for new recipes, new work out routines, and new motivation. I started buying the weight watchers magazine. It usually has at least a few new recipes. My problem before was that i just ate smart ones alot and well... i definately got sick of all of them! I also bought the Biggest Loser 30 day jump start book. I am really excited about this book because it not only has new recipes, but it also gives me daily work out routines. The only thing about the work outs, is that they are relatively very easy.. so i'll probably have to make them a little more challenging because i feel i am on a higher fitness level than that! AND now for the exciting part of my "new-ness".... I am going to train for a half marathon!!! Go ahead... you can laugh at me, Travis did. BUT i am serious about it despite the laughs. This is something i have been wanting to do forever, but never really thought about how to actuall do it! So i am WAY excited about all of these new ideas to incorporate into my "lifestyle". I'll let you know how fast the weight falls off!!

Thanks for reading,

Jen

I LIke Change....

2009-02-26T11:55:00.001-08:00

Here at the Armstrong household, things are in the process of a big change. What kind of changes you ask? Well here is a small list...

1. Travis FINALLY graduates on May 2nd from College, which means that after four years of stressing over juggling school and work, he will no longer have to sit in a classroom! Pretty exciting right?

2. Of course, when a person graduates from college, the next step is to get a real job!! Which Travis is in the process of doing! Travis has been working at my dearly loved retail store known as Target for the past 2 1/2 years. While i enjoy change, Travis does not.. so this time is kind of nerve wrecking for him. Please pray! lol

3. Because Travis is graduating and getting a real job, I am making plans to go back to school! I plan on going back this August! I hope to be going full time and am way excited!!

4. Because I am going to school full time, I need to find a part-time evening job. Since my current job of almost 2 years is a day time job, i am in search of a NEW job.

SOOOO while these changes all have to do with school, they are still pretty big changes for the both of us! I am excited, a little nervous, and as always I am a little inpatient!! Please pray for both of us as we make the transitions we are about to make!

It's a little late.....

2009-02-17T08:49:00.000-08:00

So i know I'm a little late, but this is my HAPPY VALENTINES DAY post. You see, i couldnt post it on the actual valentines day because my sister went into labor and had my third little nephew. ANd well, with three little boys all under the age of 3, we all were pretty busy!!

So first off, here is a picture of my new nephew, Colton William Neuok.

He weighed 10lbs and 10 oz!! and was 22 in. long!

IN honor of my Valentine, Travis Lee ARmstrong, here is a list of the top 10 reasons I love my husband!

1. He makes really good waffles!

2. He always smells good because he applies deodorant like 3 times a day! lol

3. He probably gives the best hugs ever!

4. He's usually pretty good about putting the toilet seat back down... lol

5. He takes the trash out so i don't have to

6. He'll watch stupid, girly reality shows with me just to please me...and usually ends up liking them

7. He tells me i'm beautiful!

8. He accepts the fact that i'm just not a orderly, neat freak kind of person... in fact im very unorganized and messy

9. He laughs at my stupid attempts at jokes

10. He is the funniest, most handsome, caring, unselfish, and loving man i know!

And THIS is just for laughs! Kids say the darndest things!......

ON LOVE AND MARRIAGE:

One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8"

I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10

(and my personal favorite.........)"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8

ON KISSING

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -- Jim, age 10

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." -- Tammy, age 10

"The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." -- Howard, age 8

HOW PEOPLE IN LOVE ACT:

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." -- Brad, age 8

"See if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." -- John, age 9

DECIDING WHO TO MARRY:

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." -- Allan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." -- Kirsten, age 10

STRATIGIES FOR MAKING PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:

"Shake your hips and hope for the best." -- Camille, age 9

"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." -- Manuel, age 8

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." -- Alonzo, age 9

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." -- Bart, age 9

GOOD ADVICE ABOUT LOVE:

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" -- Ricky, age 7

"Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love." -- Erin, age 8

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." -- Erin, age 8

What Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You":

"The person is thinking: 'Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.'" -- Michelle, age 9

"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it, and now they can go eat." -- Dick, age 7

Titles of Love Ballads You Can Sing To Your Loved One:

"'I Am In Love With You Most of the Time, But Don't Bother Me When I'm With My Friends.'" -- Bob, age 9

"'Hey, Baby, I Don't Like Girls, But I'm Willing To Forget You Are One!'" -- Will, age 7

Things Change...

2009-02-03T08:02:00.000-08:00

So i bet you all didn't know that i had REALLY started blogging many years ago, except i began my blogging journey on a site called xanga. When i was in high school, Xanga was pretty popular and pretty much everyone who was anyone had one lol. (ok maybe it wasn't THAT big of a deal).

Anyway, because my job is SO easy, i spent much of the morning reading my old blog on xanga and laughed pretty hard. I had a lame life back then! :)...... But i found this little "questionaire" and thought it would be cool to see just how much i've changed, if i've changed at all.

1. How old are you? How old do you feel?

My answer from back then was: " I am 19 years old. Depending on my mood, or current situation i can feel alot younger or alot older. When I am relaxed and goofing around, i feel maybe 12. However, when i am stressed or tired sometimes i can feel almost 30 years old."

My answer now is: I am 22, and i feel 22... most of the time.

2. What makes a person old?

My answer back then was: "Old is a state of mind. When you feel too old to get out and do stuff, i guess that is your mind telling you, you are old. When a person is in denial of being old, they go out do whatever. So i guess you are old when you let your body and mind tell you so."

My answer now is: Time makes a person old. Because along with time, comes stress, fear, and death.... all of which can make us feel older.

3. Who are the most important people in your life and why?

my answer back then was: " The most important people in my life are my parents, or family, my boyfriend Travis, and my best friend Brittany. My parents love me unconditionally and have put up with me and my stunts my whole life, and believe me, there was alot to put up with. They raised me to be who i am today, which i still have weaknesses but all in all i am proud of who i am today. My siblings have watched over me and have been major role models while i was growing up. My older sister Candice helped my mom out alot when she was going to school by watching me and my little brother. She had to grow up fast and i appreciate everything she did. She is definately one of my best friends. My little brother rex, even though we do not get along as well anymore, has taught me about honesty. No matter what he has done or who he is, he lets people know about his mistakes and does not live in the past. I trully admire him for that. Travis is not only my boyfriend, he's my companion and my best friend. When i have stupid things to say, he listen and then tells me if its stupid or what not. There's not one thing in my life that he does not know about and he still loves me despite those flaws. He has never stopped caring for me even when we were not together anymore and whenever we didnt know what we were, he loved me anyway. Brittany has been with me through thick and thin since 7th or 8th grade. her goofiness and hard work are essential to my life and has taught me to work hard but dont take life too seriously. "

my answer now is: The most important people in my life are still my family and my best friends, but now i can add my HUSBAND. Travis is an essential part of my life and I can not live with out him! I still feel the same way about all of the above mentioned people.

4. Talk about your religious life.

My answer then was: "Every since I started my college career, i've really depended on my relationship with God. When it gets hard because i can not see what is supposed to happen in life, i pray. When i get sad because i miss Travis, i pray. When my grades are getting low, i pray. Before college my prayer life was suffering but now it is strengthened trememdously. However, because of the amount of time i need for hw and such, my bible studying time has dwendled unless i am in Bible class. "

My answer now is: Sadly, I do not pray as much as i did in college. It brings me back to all those lessons we had in youth group when we talked about how people only pray when they NEED something... not when things are good or just to praise God. But i am working on getting my prayer life back in order. God is crucial in all of our lives. I am glad i know him and that i am a follower. But i have my own faith now... nto my parents faith or my friends' faith. It is my own. And that is what i am most proud of.

5. How do you keep up with the news?

My answer then was: "I hardly ever watch the news, but on the reare occasions when i do, I watch news Channel 11. The news has alot of things that make me hate the world we live in so i only watch it once in a while."

My answer now is: It's about the same. I only watch the news like once a week. I just don't like seeing how awful our world is with all the violence and hate. I know it's out there... but i don't need to see it.

6. Do you read the news paper or magazines? how often?

My answer then was: "I read the news paper/magazines about as often as i watch the news on T.V. I only read the sections that interest me and the comics to make me laugh."

My answer now is: I really don't read either one at all.

7. Do you watch reality T.V. shows?

My answer then was: "I love reality t.v. shows. I know sometimes they can be less moral than some thigns, but it shows the world as it is, stupid and wrong. My favorite reality tv show is the real world or the bachelor."

My answer now is: I still love reality t.v shows. I am a reality tv show junky. I love the bachelor, Biggest Loser, Big Brother.. i mean you name it, i probably watch it!

8. How often do you go the movies?

My answer then was: "i think i go to the movies on average about once every y months. My favorite kinds of movies are comedy, romantic, and on the occasion horror."

My answer now is: I probably go to the movies even less now! Lol

9. Do you read?

My answer then was: "i read very rarely. In the past year i think i have read maybe 2 books lol"

My answer now is: I actually have improved on reading. I have read several books just in the past year!!

10. Are you a political person? are you more liberal or conservative?

My answer then was: "I do consider myself a political person. I am defiantely more conservative."

My answer now is: Back then, even though i SAID i considered myself a political person, i don't think i actually was lol. because NOW i know what being political really is and i dont think i am. I hate politics and i don't understand it. BUT my beliefs are more conservative.

11. What are the most important issues in your life right now?

My answer then was: "probably just making it through college, getting a job to pay for my bills, and time management."

My answer now is: the most important issues in my life right now all revolve around my future. Ever decision i make today is going to affect my husband and my future children. My decisions are crucial.

12. Would you rather be rich, well off, or poor and why?

My answer then was: " It would be nice to be rich and know that money will never be a big problem for you. However, i feel that too much money brings greediness and wrong intentions in the world. So i would rather be comfortable/well off. i dont think anyone wants to be dirt poor, but if i was i would hope i would praise God for the blessings i DID have in life."

My answer now is: I just want to have enough money to pay our bills and have a little extra to have some fun and to live off of. I don't need to be rich and i hope i am never trully poor! and i still feel the same way as my answer above!

13. What are some issues facing your family?

My answer then was: "Probably money. They are about to have two children in college and they just paid for my sisters wedding. They also have alot of bills and responsiblity to their names."

My answer now is: well i have a new family now. I believe that money is still probably an issue on both sides. With the economy the way it is right now, money is a big issue everywhere!

14. Do you consider yourself a good writer?

My answer then was: "Well if you have been paying attentiong to my gramar and punctuation and stuff like that in this entry, you would agree with me when i say no. I have good ideas and everything, but when i try to write them out, they tend to go in circles and never come to my point."

My answer now is: I have improved over the years. I still do not consider myself a "good" writer, but i know how to get my point across and do it well.

15. Do you consider yourself a good reader?

My answer then was: "When i make myself read, i feel i am a good reader. The only issue i have with reading is that after i read too long, my eyes start to hurt."

My answer now is: I am still the same. When i make myself read, i am a good reader. It's just opening the book.... lol

16. In your opinion, who has been the best president in the U.S.?

My answer then was: "Well, I've only lived through 2 presidents, but i think the best president ever would be George Washington, just based on what i have learned in my History classes."

My answer now is: I honestly can saw after learning so much more than i knew back then, that IN my opinion, Abe Lincoln was the best president in the US. He was so honest and he trully sought after God's will.

17. What is the most influential movement in the U.S. since the 1600's?

My answer then was: "The most influencial historical event since 1600 would be the movement by Martin luther King Jr. to free all blacks."

My answer now is: I gues now it would be our first Black president!! Even though i do not like Barak Obama!

18. If you could meet one influential person in the world right now, who would it be and why?

My answer then was: "George W. Bush, so that i could tell him that what he is doing for our country is heroic and that i am proud to have him as our President."

My answer now is: I would actually choose to meet Barak Obama. I would love to see him without the cameras, without his posse and without everyone else telling me how wonderful he is so that i could really know who he is when no one else is around.

19. What is your favorite holdiday?

My answer then was: " My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving because that is when my whole family gets to come home and we get to play games and talk."

My answer now is: My answer is still the same!! Thanskgiving will always rock!

20. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

My answer then was: "To be more involved in high school and to be more focused on my grades so that they would have reflected who i am better than they did."

My answer now is: Now i can say that i would not go back and change anything. I am at where i am at beacuse of the things that happened and because of the things i did. And maybe i regret some of those things, but they got me where i am today. ANd i am completely and utterly happy with where i am today and with WHO i am today!

STEELERS!!!

2009-02-02T13:30:00.000-08:00

Well, sadly the Houston Texans didn't make it to the super bowl this year. I know big shocker right?? lol So while i was deciding on who to root for this year, i picked the team that had the most of my favorite players on it! I am by no means a Steeler's fan during normal season play. BUT i do like Hines Ward a whole whole lot so this year for the SUper Bowl, i rooted for the Pittsburgh Steelers!

Our college group at church held a super bowl party and there were only 3 of us Steeler fans there! It was a blast and a nail biter! Buti enjoyed all the food, games and fellowship!

So just for some entertainment.. here are some pics!

yes, i made a t-shirt!!

my favorite WR!

Travis and Me!

Me and My fellow Steeler fan celebrating after the win!

Happy Birthday Candice!!

2009-01-23T08:27:00.000-08:00

Today is my one and only sister's 26th Brithday!! So here are 26 reasons why i love and adore my sister:

1. She is so funny.

2. She is a wonderful mommy to her boys.

3. She is my best friend and i know i can tell her anything

4. She is understanding.

5. She is a Christian and trying to raise her family in a Christian enviroment

6. She is such a hard worker.

7. When she sets her mind to something, she does it!

8. She makes funny faces

9. Sometimes she's a spaz.... and it makes us laugh

10. She's a black person in a white person's body... haha did i mention she is hilarious??

11. She has a smile that can light up a room

12. She loves God

13. She's always there to lend a shoulder to her friends and family

14. She is unselfish

15. She is God-fearing

16. She loves to give great gifts without expecting anything in return

17. She makes yummy food.... all the time

18. She basically helped my parens raise my brother and I

19. She doesn't need a whole lot of make up to look beautiful

20. She can dance like no one else!

21. She's always happy and smiling

22. Her whole life, she's had to give up most of what SHE wanted for others.. and she's never held a grudge

23. She's smarter than your average bear

24. She's confident in who she is

25. She likes to sing

26. SHE"S MY ONE AND ONLY SISTER!!

Why Brad Pitt lost major points with me....

2009-01-14T10:23:00.000-08:00

I was reading an article about the California Proposition 8. According to Wikipedia, the California proposition 8 argued for exclusively heterosexual marriage and claimed that failure to reverse a California Supreme Court ruling from May 2008 that recognized a right of same-sex couples to marry would damage society, require changes to what was taught in schools about marriage, and threaten the free exercise of religion. The opponents argued that eliminating the rights of any Californian and mandating that one group of people be treated differently from everyone else was unfair and wrong.

Brad Pitt was quoted saying, "Because no one has the right to deny another their life, even though they disagree with it, because everyone has the right to live the life they so desire if it doesn’t harm another and because discrimination has no place in America, my vote will be for equality and against Proposition 8” (quoted from the bostonherald.com).

It makes me sick to think that we as humans are so invovled in what the world says is ok and what the world says is not ok that we fail to remember what our creator demands is right and wrong. We as a society do not even realize the harm we are doing to God's kingdom because we can't see past worldly laws. God specifially states that all sin (lying, cheating, stealing, greed, homosexuality...etc.) is wrong. Every sin is equal. Our world says that if you steal, kill or rape you go to jail, but homosexuality is accepted? NO! this isn't what God has told us. Brad Pitt must not really understand our God, or maybe like most of us, he's just too wrapped up in the world to remember. We do not have the right to live a life that is sinful. Our lives are not our own. God gave us our lives and he can easily take it away. He gave us our lives to live holy as he is.

Most of you may not know how hard it is for me to say these things out loud. I am a people pleaser and I hate confrontation. I know my thoughts may hurt some people i love, in particular, my brother. My brother came out to my family that he was gay several years ago. I have spent all the years since then ignoring the fact that he is gay. I have even questioned if there was a point to the laws God has set for us. I have sat back and fallen into the worlds views of homosexuality. But i can not, and i will not let that continue. I feel like i just woke up and realized how ignorant i have been! It is not ok for me to sit back and say, "it's ok. You're gay, that's just who you are" and because i do not have the right or the power to judge another, i need to say "I love you, and i accept YOU... but i do not accept your lifestyle." Just as when i am sinning, wether its lying or stealing or whatever, people who love me would say the same!

I am just so infuriated at the world we live in. It's not just homosexuality, it's with pre-marital sex, violence and many other sinful things. These sins may not be "harming" anyone physically, but that is not the point. The point is, is that we are a society that has forgotten God. We have forgotten his comands and have instead been living to our own standards.

God,

I pray that you open this world's eyes as you have opened mine. We are lost in sin and have forgotten your ways. Take away all of the things that blind us from your standards. Break our hearts and return us to the right path. We need to remember that living in sin is NOT OK.

I have become one of them...

2009-01-13T13:00:00.000-08:00

Here's the type of person i'm talking about:

(when ordering a meal at a resturant)

"Can i have a double cheeseburger with extra fries and a side of ranch. Then i also need a slice of cheesecake topped with lots of chocolate. And to drink... a diet coke."

Really? I mean by that time, they should have jsut went ahead and ordered the regular coke. They were already headed down ... way down.. the wrong direction!

The sad thing is.... i have now become this person!! I don't necesecarily order those same things.. but the point is, i order unhealthy things to eat and somehow think that i can balance it all out in my head with a diet drink.

SO lately (as of yesterday :] ) I am trying REALLY hard to eat very healthy and only drink water! A while back i reached my first weight loss goal, but sadly i've already gained some of it back! :[ and i did not work that hard just to gain it all back!

My goal is to loose 20 more pounds by Spring Break (march 16th). I have a set work out plan and enough knowledge of what is healthy for me and what is not to accomplish my goal.

So here's to setting yet another weight loss goal! :]...it's really a never ending thing...

If i worked anywhere else...

2009-01-06T07:45:00.001-08:00

Okay... not really.

Getting up for work every morning is a drag. I LOVE our bed.... i mean LOVE it. Last Christmas we splurged and bought a new pillow top queen mattress set. I tease Travis a lot by saying it's like sleeping on heaven! I mean this bed is awesome! The only problem is.... it's like pulling teeth for me to get out of it! It doesn't help that we just recently bought new pillows. Our old pillows were so thin, i swear it was like sleeping on paper. So we finally bought some real, puffy pillows. Travis hasn't gotten used to them.... i mean... he's been sleeping on paper! So now he says it feels like he's sleeping with his chin in his chest. ANyway, The pillows are amazing! So this morning, it ws especially tough for me to get my booty out of bed for work.

I have to be at work at 9. I didn't get out of bed until 8:43! Yep.... thats right.... 17 minutes before i need to be at work. Luckily, my job doesn't require that i look decent at all. I mean i could show up in PJ's and they'd be perfectly happy with that.

I always listen to Kidd Kraddick in the morning on my way to work. I've been listening to Kidd every morning since i've been able to drive myself to school... so like... sophomore year in high school. Anyway, i pulled up infront of my work building at 9:05... but i didn't even REALLY notice what time it was because i was so intune to what Kidd Kraddick was saying about Celine Dion. (I know... lol sounds so interesting) Anyway, by this time it's pretty close to 9:12 or so when my boss pulls up right beside me. Of course i quickly turned the car off and got out. My boss laughed and asked if i had forgotten my key. I told him i hadn't, but that i just got caught up in listening to Kidd Kraddick in the morning!.... He just laughed and said he had been listening to it too!

If it were anywhere else, Im sure i would have been fired... or at least had a strike against me. Thank God i have a boss who likes Kidd Kraddick too!

The Love Dare

2008-12-16T08:12:00.000-08:00

I haven't actually seen the movie Fireproof yet, but i hear it's really amazing!

Anyway, for those of you who don't know, there is a book that the man in the movie reads called, The Love Dare. The book is designed so that two people who are married, can study unconditinal love and really understand and believe in it. It even has daily "dares" for each member of the marriage to perform in order to practice unconditional love. It's a study on how God loves and how he wants us to love in return.

Travis and I were at Hasting's the other day, when i mention to him that i wanted for us to read this book together. Now, I have to say this so taht rumors don't start, Travis and I are NOT... i repeat... are NOT on the verge of a divorce. But I am hoping this will only strengthen our marriage and heal any wounds that ARE there.

So we bought the book. Today is our first day to read it. The title for today is, "Love is patient".

Here is a link for the book. http://thelovedarebook.com/

I'd recommend it to any married couple... struggling or not. Sometimes you don't even know that something is bothering you until it put right in your face.

ANyway, I'm really excited about starting this with Travis and learning more about the heart inside of the man i married!

A new desire...

2008-12-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

When Travis and I decide it's time for bed we follow some pretty routine rituals. We brush our teeth, wash our faces, and take our showers. Travis stretches before getting into bed and i lay there waiting for him to get done so that i can kiss him goodnight. Two minutes after he lays down, he's dead asleep...snoring away. It takes me quite a bit longer. I use this time to think about how my day went, what's going to happen tomorrow, what will happen in the future and so forth. I do a lot of my best thinking late at night.

But a major thing that occurs during this time is my conversations with God. I know God already knows all of my thoughts before i think them, my actions before i do them and my desires before i even know what they are. However, my day is never fullfilled until i talk to God, and until i tell him all of my troubles, thoughts, fears, exciting news, concerns and worries. Lately i've had a lot to tell God. I've had a lot of questions and a lot of "what-ifs". The thing i love most about talking to God is that he just listens. He doesn't yell at me if I say something he doesn't agree with. He doesn't laugh at me if i say something stupid. He doesn't mock me or judge me for the things i have done..... he just listens. And then sometime during my sleep he speaks to me. He speaks kind and soft words into my soul and into my heart so that when i wake up, everything is clear and all of my worries, fears and troubles are eased. I LOVE talking to God, and i know he loves it when i talk to him.

He is kind.
He is patient.
He is love......
He is everything.

I want to be so much more than I am.
I want to fullfill whatever it is that he put me here to fullfill.
I want to be a light in the darkness,
and salt in a world that is SO unsalty.
I want him to use me,
to mold me into his image.

Through all of the anger, the tears, and the disappointments
I want to glorify him through it all.
I no longer want to be selfish or needy.
My life is not about me or my desires....but of his purpose.

I want to be all that i was created to be,
all that he wants for me to be.
I'm tired of disappointing him....
of hurting and neglecting him.

I want to be like Paul, when he writes about hs commitment to God's will in Psalm 40:6-8

"Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced.
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.
Then I said, 'here I am, I have
come-
it is written about me in the
scroll.
I desire to do you will, O my God.
your law is within my heart."

Faithfulness

2008-12-01T13:06:00.000-08:00

There are so many things and people in this world who are unfaithful. We are human and we all make mistakes. It's nice to know that God is ALWAYS faithful. He is the only one who is completely faithful.

Jennifer Knapp Faithful To Me (Reprise) lyrics

All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone
that have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand,
just to watch them all wash away

Through another day, another trial
Another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I've seen,
and reaching out my weary hand,
I pray that you'd understand,
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like storms to the sea.
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard,
searched aimlessly,for a faith to be faithful to me.

Through another day, another trial,
Another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I've seen,
and reaching out my weary hand,
I pray that you'd understand,
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

I heard this song a while back when i was in high school and it's been my favorite every since. I am so thankful that God is faithful and that if he says he will do something, it will be done.

I married my dad....

2008-11-26T12:42:00.001-08:00

OKay, so i didn't really marry my dad. When i was growing up my mom would try to surprise my dad with little gifts or with some big exciting news and the reaction she would get was much smaller than the reaction she had been hoping for. She would follow his reaction with a frusterated look and then she'd throw her hands up in the air and say "I give up!" I thought it was funny... until it happened to me.

So for the past couple of days, our dishes have been piling up. I've never been real tidy and Travis has been trying to adjust to living with me. I had been working for 20 days in a row! Yesterday was my first day off in 20 days!! I had planned on just having a completely lazy day and enjoying it. It was about 6:30 and i knew travis got off at 8. So since our dishes had been piling up and he had been hinting towards me that i should do them, i decided i would load the dishes up and start the dish washer. Sure, it was a small gesture, but i was SURE he would show some appreciation!

Travis came home around 8:15, took his shoes off where he always takes his shoes off, and went into the kitchen. The dish washer was running, and i waited for some kind of sign that he noticed.... nothing.

Obviously i was giong to ahve to be unhumble about this.

"I did the dishes!" i exclaimed.

"What about these?" he asked while pointing to the very few that wouldn't fit in the washer.

Not the reaction i had wanted. So i rolled my eyes and sat down to pout.

I think this is just one of those battles im going to loose. Travis is just like my dad... and i'm living my mother's life. The only difference was, i used to think it was funny, now i think its aggrivating.

CLose to the End...

2008-11-24T07:51:00.000-08:00

I figured i'd just skip abunch of boring details and tell you the end... lol

Travis was at LCU for his sophomore year in college. It was good to finally have him in the same city again. That year was tough on me and my family and problems were arising within our home. Travis was having to put up with a lot.

For my birthday that year, Travis took me to the Fort Worth zoo...(if you know me at all... you know i LOVE animals!) It was pretty chilly, so most of the animals were hiding, but i still had a blast just spending time with Travis. But when i got home that weekend, my parents had decided it was time for me to move out. We were just having too many problems and we weren't getting along. They told me to pack up my things and find somewhere to go.

I sat in my room with tears just falling down my cheeks. I had no idea where i was going to go. I was scared i was going to have to live outside in the cold. The only person i could think to call was of course, poor Travis. When he answered i tried to stay calm and hold my tears back, but i just couldnt.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I explained to him everythign had that happened when i walked into my parents house.

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"I don't know." I replied.

He told me to hold on and he would call his parents. When he called me back, he told me his parents had said i could live with them until i found somewhere to live. I was soo emotional by now, that i coulnd't say anything. He was going to come pick me up and take me to his parents house. When i saw Travis' truck pull up, i was about to walk out when my mom asked if i was goign to say goodbye. I didn't want to say goodbye to them. I was so mad at them that at that point in time i didn't care if i never spoke to them again. She hugged me and told me she and my dad thought this was for the best. "Whatever" i thought in my head.

I walked outside and Travis met me half way to grab my bags. He wrapped me in his arms for a while and let me cry. He told me everything was going to be okay and we left. Travis was really sweet to me through it all. I had a lot of emotional break downs and i had a lot of anger that i sometimes vented out on him, but he never gave up on me. In fact, after i had been living with his parents for about a week, Travis was helping me find a place to live. i couldn't afford much. At the time i was only working part time at Kirklands, which didn'tpay very well at all. So when we found a place, Travis helped me put the down payment down and then helped me move in.

I had been living in my new place for about a week, when Travis told me that he wanted to go on a date. Not a , "let's by some dinner and come back and watch a movie" kind of date, but a real date. Travis and i didn't do real dates very often so i knew something was up. So on December 20th, 2007 we went out on a real date. We went to clay cafe and painted a tea pot, ate at On the Border ( my favorite) and then drove around. He asked me where i wanted to go, and i told him i didn't care. He was driving in the direction of his parents house, so i figured that's where we were going. But he turned into the neighborhood across the street from his parents and then i was confused. He pulled over, and told me he had my christmas gift that he wanted to give me. He reached behind me and gave me a card with a stuffed animal. I didn't understand the significance of the animal, but he told me to walk outside with him and to bring the animal. When we got outside, and stopped walking, i realized we were where we had had our first kiss. He told me to open the pouch taht was on the bear.

There was a small box. He took the box, and got on one knee. At this point, i knew what was about to happen.

"Jennifer, I love you. Will you spend the rest of your life with me?"

I tried to drag my answer out, but it was cold! So i quickly said, "YES!"

**************************************************************************

The rest is history. That is our love story. Sorry i cut out abunch of details in this one, but it was getting long and i don't think many of you really read them anyway! lol So now i can start writing about our everyday lives and whats new. I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading!

A new chapter

2008-11-12T07:31:00.000-08:00

The day Travis left for college, was a heart breaking day for me. Travis and I had previously decided that we would be a couple again. But despite how happy i was about the couple thing, I had other worries. I loved Travis very very much. I couldn't imagine spending all that time with out him. Not only was he not going to be at the same school as me, but he wouldn't even be in the same city! IT was hard to grasp that realization. Of course i had worries that he would find an amazingly beautiful girl and forget all about me as well.Travis was leaving after church on sunday morning. I waited around for him to say his goodbyes to everyone. When he found me i was almost in tears already.

We walked out to his truck and tried to say our goodbyes. He told me that he would still be home every once in a while to visit and that it really wasn't that bad. I tried hard to believe him. He promised to call a lot and hugged me. I held onto his hug for as long as i could. I didn't know when i'd be able to feel his arms around me again. As i hugged him, tears came down my face. This was my best friend. I had been through so much with him. We had loved each other and hated each other, but no matter what happened, we got through it together. I loved him deeply. His eyes were a little sad, but there was also a lot of excitement. This is what he wanted. He wanted to explore new things. So for that, i was happy for him. He handed me one of his old t-shirts to have while he was gone, kissed me and got in his truck to leave. I sat in my car watching my best friend leave with a lot of sadness.

Despite Travis leaving, college WAS exciting. I was meeting new people and planned to get involved. I had plenty of homework and friends to keep me busy enough to keep my mind off of the fact that Travis was not here....until one day. THis particular day started off like any other. I got up, went to class adn talked with some friends, but there was a sadness in my heart. I hadn't planned to feel sad and i wasn't even sure why i felt so sad. I went through the day just going through all the motions and only smiling when i felt i needed to.

Travis called that night and when i heard his voice, i knew where the sadness had come from. I missed him. I missed him so much that my heart was hurting. So not long into our conversation, i started crying. Travis was just as confused as i was and i don't think he really knew what to say to comfort me. How could he comfort someone that was so far away? So he tried his best,

"Its okay. Its not forever. I'll be home to visit sooner than you think."

I was still sad, but it helped. I knew i was being ridiculous about it, but i couldn't hold the tears back. When we got off the phone that night i just prayed that soon would come quick!

And it did. A few weeks after that, Travis surprised me with a visit home! I had no idea he was even thinking about it, until i saw his white truck in the parking lot of my dorms. He was standing there with a single rose. He had a silly smirk on his face when he noticed that i saw him. I was so excited to see him that i just about knocked him over when i ran into him. I wrapped my arms around him and held on tight. It felt like i was dreaming and I had to make sure i wasn't. He was so pleased to see me so excited that he just kept smiling.

"Hello." He said still with that smirk on his face.

"HI. what are you doing here?" I asked, not that i didn't want him there, i was jsut shocked! I figured he wouldn't come back home until thanksgiving, and it was barely october.

"I'm just visiting family, friends and... you." he replied. "And it's Frenships homecoming so i figured we could go to that if you're not busy."

"Nope, i'm free!" Even if i had been busy i would have cleared my schedule for him!

We spent the rest of that day together, and the next, and then sunday came. Sunday meant that he would have to leave to go back to Abilene. I knew that it had to happen, but we had been having so much fun together that i didn't think about it until he was in my dorm parking lot again, but this time to say goodbye.

"I'll be back next month." he said knowing that i was really sad. "I miss you a lot too you know." He reached for me and held me in his arms.

"I know." I replied. "It's just hard to let you leave. Even though i have all of these friends i feel so alone." It was the truth. I had tons of friends all around me, but without him i was alone.

He kissed me, turned around to get in his truck and said," It's only a month. We can make it."

I smiled and agreed. What was a month? I could wait a month to see him again. But the day after he left, was hard. I was just getting used to seeing him ni the parking lot waiting for me that when i didn't see his truck there the next day, my heart was breaking all over again. I started hanging out with new people and doing new things just to keep busy enough so that i wouldn't think about the month i had to wait to see him again.

Then his mom told me that they were going up there for Travis' birthday and would love for me to come. I jumped at the opportunity and made sure i was off from work. Travis didn't know i was coming and it was going to be a surprise. The whole drive up there was torture for me. I kept looking at the time and it was frusterating to see we still have an hour and half to go!

WHen we finally got there, Travis was waiting inthe parking lot to his dorm. I just about jumped out of the car and ran to hug him.

"Surprise?" i said. He didn't look TOO surprised, but at least he looked happy.

That weekend, he showed me around campus, introduced me to some of his new friends/roommates, and talked about his experience there. Surprisingly, even though they didn't involve me, I loved hearing about his new experiences. Plus, so far none of his stories had any new girls in them and i was pleased about that.

WE headed home and i felt at ease. It was only a few weeks until Thanksgiving and i would see him again soon.

Back on Track

2008-11-07T07:53:00.000-08:00

Football season was still going on and my youth minister and his wife offered to take me and another guy to a game that was out of town. I was excited to go. I loved spending time with their family and holding their twin babies so i took them up on that offer. It was fun. I sat in the back with my youth ministers wife. We played with the babies and talked about random things.

It was chilly outside, but not too cold to enjoy the game. We sat directly in front of Travis' parents. I said hello, and they said hello back. I held one of the twins and watched the game. To my memory, the game wasn't too exciting and i believe we had one. We lined up by the fence to congratulate the players on the game. Our hands were held out to give them high fives as the line of players moved by. When Travis came up i ignored him and skipped his high five. It was childish and stupid, but i did it. I didn't want to give him any satisfaction from my high five, and i wanted him to know that i was still mad.

When we were leaving the stadium, i looked out on the field. I don't know why i did it, but i saw Travis standing on the track waiting for his new girlfriend as she came running up to him and gave him a back smile and a hug. OUch... it hurt.For the first time in a while, i had allowed myself to become hurt again. I guess my youth ministers wife saw the sadness because we talked about Travis and my relationship on the way home. After talking with her i realized that i just needed to do what was best for me and stop worrying about what he wanted or what was going to happen in the future.

So from that night on, I really worked on setting my mind somewhere else. I was hanging out with new friends that weren't involved in the Travis drama, i was spending a lot of new time with God, and i was really beginning to feel okay about it all. I wasn't thinking about Travis at all. It almost didn't even hurt me to see him anymore. I wasn't over him by any means, but i certainly wasn't letting his actions interfere with the way i felt anymore. I was living my life and not letting anything else control me. I started trying to date other guys. They never worked out, but it wasn't because of my feelings for Travis this time. They just didn't work out. God was finally in full control of my life, and i was actually listening to him this time.

**************************************************************************

Jeremy has always been a very good friend to both Travis and I. At times in our relationship it was hard for him to go back and forth. Jeremy and I had a class together that semester and he sat in front of me. We always chit chatted before and after lecture about life and other things. We had just gotten back to school from Christmas break. Jeremy had told me that Travis had broken up with Girl J. I wasn't shocked. I mean i knew when they dated it wouldn't last long but i just said, "really?" He shook his head and asked if Travis had talked to me yet. I told him that Travis and I hadn't talked in a very long time and i didn't think that was going to change. I really felt that Travis and I were never going to be friends again. We just had too much garbage and too much past together. But jeremy said, "He said he was going to talk to, so i was just seeing if he had."

Class was starting so he turned back around. There was no way i could listen to our lecture. The class was boring anyway, but now my mind was going a hundred miles an hour. I asked my self question after question. Was I ready to talk to Travis? What was he wanting to talk about? Why?

A few days had gone by and I hadn't heard from Travis so i figured either Jeremy lied or Travis decided not to talk to me after all. I was relieved. I just wasn't sure if i wanted to talk to him. After church one evening, i went with some other girls to get coffee. We all piled into one of their vehicles and left my car at the building. We were talking about girl stuff and had been there for an hour or so when i got a text. I read,

"Hi. Can we talk? I miss you...."

It was from Travis. I pretended i was listening to the girls conversation when i was really thinking about how i was going to reply. I spent almost 10 minutes battling between my head and my heart. My head of course was telling me no. It was telling me that i had come so far and if i went back to him now i would be in that trap again. My heart was telling me that i needed Travis. I needed his friendship and that i had missed him desperately. My heart was trying to convince me that whether or not Travis and I ever dated again or not, he was supposed to be in my life. So i replied,

"sure. let me get someone to take me back to my car. Meet me at the church building."

I came up with a lie so that someone would take me back to the church building. I told them i had to get home so that i could study for my test. There was no way i was going to tell them the truth. I couldn't tell them that i was going to talk to the guy that i had spent the last few months swearing i would never speak to again. My pride wouldn't let me.

WHen i got back to the church, Travis hadn't made it yet. So i waited for him. About 5 min later his truck pulled up beside mine. My heart was beating faster. I was nervous. I got out of my car, and he got out of his truck. We just stared at each other. Travis was never very god at words so i could tell i was going to have to break the ice. I could see a certain kind of sadness in his eyes and i could tell he was really sorry for everything. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a big hug. It was an emotional hug that lasted for a few minutes. We both said we were sorry for what all had happened. And that was all that was needed to be said.

After that, we sat in his truck to talk some more. It was very cold outside so we didn't want to stand out there any longer. We caught up on each other's life and laughed as if we had never stopped talking. Then we talked about "us". I told him that i couldn't live that way anymore. I couldn't be wanted one month and dropped the next. I told him that i loved him too much to let that happen. He told me that he loved me too but that he didnt know what was going to happen in the future and he just didn't want to rush into things.

After that night, We were friends. REAL FRIENDS. Not friends with benefits, not friends one month and not the next, we were just friends. I didn't expect anything from him dating wise, and he didn't expect any kissing or anything like that from without a dating relationship there. For the most part everything ran smoothly for the rest of our senior year and the following summer. But Travis was leaving town for college and I was staying in Lubbock. Ultimately, we had to make some decisions.

Taking steps

2008-11-05T11:41:00.000-08:00

Travis spent a lot of time with Misty during the first month or so of that summer. I don't know if he really liked her or if he just liked the fact that a much older woman had some kind of interest in him. So im sure you know that pattern by now. Travis and I didn't talk much during that time. I didn't like her, i didn't like the fact that she was around and i definately didn't like seeing them together. So i kept my distance as best as i could.

I guess Travis got tired of her, because in the middle of that summer he was no longer talking to her. We went on like nothing had ever happended because it was easier just to ignore it and by this time i was used to him finding another girl and waiting for him to get tired of them. So by now, the pattern was routine.

School was starting and it was our senior year! Our relationship was good and I was just excited to be back at Frenship where all my old friends were. Travis and I were still hanging out and dating without being "official" i guess. I was sure that our last year of high school was going to be wonderful!

The first football game wasn't far off, but Travis had hurt his knee pretty badly in a scrimmage before the actual season started. He had torn his ACL and partially tore his meniscus. Travis played in the first few games for a few minutes here and there, but had to sit out for the rest of the season. It was my first year to be able to go to the football games without being in the band, so my friends and I often went to cheer on our team. I usually went with my BFF Brandi. Brandi and I had become close friends our senior year and If i wasn't with Travis i was with her. She was also dating one of the football players so we always had fun at the games. WHen the game was over we'd line up at the fence to tell the players what a good game they had played and Travis and Gary Brandi's boyfriend of the time) usually stopped to talk to us. After a few games i started to notice that Travis would stop to talk to another girl as well. I didnt know who the girl was and i'd never heard about her so i didn't htink anything about it.

Outside of school, travis and I went to church and to church activites together. A big group of us would hang out afterwards, or sometimes just he and I did. But everytime we said our goodbyes, he made sure to tell me that he loved me and of course we were still kissing...you nkow... the whole friends with benefits thing i guess. So i guess i just had it set in my mind that we were more than friends, but not a couple... i know... it's confusing.

And obviously i was confused. During the month of October, Travis started to act distant again. It was getting hard to grab his attention and he always seemed like he had somewher else to be. One night after leaving a bible study called "Lifeline" at our youth minister's house, he was in a hurry to get home. Usually we all hung around to talk and hang out, but Travis had no intention to do that. He gave me a quick hug and told me he'd talk to me later and that he loved me.

I was online talking to a Mutual friend that night about how wierd Travis was acting. He asked, "What do you mean?" i explained to him that he always seemed like he wanted to hurry off to be somewhere else, he wasn't calling me much anymore, and he didn't even acknowlegde me in the hallways anymore. It was then that i found out some news i was not ready to hear.

"Well, i don't know if i'm supposed to tell you this, but he told me he's been talking to Girl J. They started talking about 2 weeks ago."

(no Girl J is not her real name)

"oh......"

That was all i could say. The first emotion i felt was heartache. Girl J was another popular, beautiful, tall and thin girl. She was also a freshman at the time. After i had thought about it for a while though, anger began to come over me. I thought, WAIT! did he not jsut tell me he loved me? and why didn't HE tell me about girl J? Was he hoping i wouldn't find out so that he could just pull me along?

I had had it. I had decided i wasn't going to put up with this anymore. I wasn't gonig to be put on the back burner again so that he could decide when he wanted to take me off. I was so tired of hurting. I was tired of chasing. I was tired of finding out about these girls from other people. Didn't we have a good enough friendship that he could tell me himself? I thought we did. I was tired of crying. I was tired of the pain. I was tired of the emotional rollercoaster that came with Travis. So i decided i wanted nothing to do with him.

Since i had already bought his birthday present, i wrote him a stern note and attached it to his gift. The note said, "Here's your birthday gift. I guess we wont be talking anymore seeing as i found out about Girl J from someone else. Why didn't you tell me?" I put his gift in a bag and dropped it off at his house. Actually i tied it to his truck to where i knew he'd see it, but that i didn't have to see him. After that night, when we passed each other in the halls, we didn't look at each other. He knew i was upset. He knew why i was upset and my letter had hurt him because i told him i didn't want to talk to him anymore. When we did make i contact, i made sure to glare at him. I wanted him to know i meant business. I know he didnt mean to hurt me and that maybe that was why he didnt tell me, but I wanted him to know that i really was tired of everything.

I was so mad that even when they walked down the halls together it didn't bother me as much as it had when he walked with Girl A the year before. I was a stronger person now, and seeing them together just made me want to get over him and move on that much more. The tension between us caused tension in our group of friends, which caused tension in our youth group at church. Our mutual friends didn't know what to do or whose side to take. Of course, since most of our mutual friends were guys so they stuck with him, which was fine by me. I had my own friends.

It was incrediblely hard for me for the first few weeks. There was just so much hurt and anger between the two of us. He was still in my heart and in my mind. I was battling with myself trying to get over him. There wasn't a day that passed that i wasn't thinking about him and staring at all the things in my room taht reminded me of him. I was telling my friend Brandi that i still had all his letters, plastic signed footballs, sweaters, and gifts in my room just sitting there. She gave me the idea of packing it all up and giving it back to him. It seemed like the smart thign to do. I thought that if i could just get rid of anything that reminded me of him, that i would be over him soon.

So i packed up everything he ever gave me, every letter he had ever written, every birthday card, every sweater and every picture. I put it all in a big box and Brandi helped me take it to his house. She parked outside of his house and asked, "are you ready?" I nodded and and got out of the car. I put the box on his porch and left. It literally felt like i had taken a huge step towards my goal. I already felt better. I had gotten his stuff out of my life, now i just needed to get him out of my memory.

Dissappointment

2008-11-04T07:45:00.000-08:00

Christmas break was over and I had returned to Coronado, to finish the year there. Travis was still dating Girl A. The only thing different about this semester, and last semester was that i was thinking about him more. We had had such a good time in Mexico that December and i had no idea how he could still possibly be dating Girl A. How could he tell me that he missed me MORE, yet still want to date HER?? It just made no sense to me at all.

I guess it didn't make sense to him either, because a few weeks into January, he broke up with girl A. He told me that they just weren't getting along and it wasn't fun anymore. Of course, i was relieved. I didn't necessarily think he was going to date me again or anything. I just knew that life was better for ME, when he was single. But his time "girl free" didn't last long. In fact, it never did. He was begining to date more girls. He was never in relationships with any of them, but he took them out a couple or times or once...im still not really sure. BUT all this dating around he was doing was just putting more distance inbetween us. I was never mad at him for dating other girls. I understood that he was a stupid high school boy who was scared of commitment and this was his way of fleeing it. I wanted to give him space to do so, so i always had a tendency to back out of his life. He didn't need me there when he had all these other girls. I was just becoming another one of them... or thats how it felt.

We spent most of the rest of our junior year as friends. I didn't ask him about his life because i didnt want to know. But somehow people thought it was important to tell me every detail THEY knew about his life. They would tell me every bad thing travis did, every bad thing he had said and every bad thing they THOUGHT i would want to know. So i always found out. It infuriated me. Who were they to tell me what was going on? WHy did the think they had to tell me every detail. I did not want to know.... but i was forced to. ANd most of it always hurt me, wether it was true or not. I always told Travis what people were telling me, so that he could have the chance to back himself up. I knew Travis well enough to know that most of these things were rumors, but some of them ended up being true. The things that were true didn't bother me at all. I knew he was a teenage boy, and teenagers period are ridiculous. SO we got over all of those things and moved on with our lives.

Prom was coming up. Of course i didn't know of any one at Coronado that 1. would take me to prom or 2. i would go with to Prom. There was only one person i wanted to go with me, and unfortunately it was Travis. So i asked him if he would go with me to my prom. At the time i guess he was talking to another girl so he told me he'd have to think about it and get back to me. I was ok with that. But it wasn't long until he came back at me with a response. He said, "I feel like i have an obligation to take Girl A to prom." To which i replied, "Oook, so that's a no then right?"

"Right. I'm sorry. Don't be mad."

I wasn't mad. Just hurt. How did he have an obligation to take her? That didn't make sense. They had broken up months ago, yet he felt like he had an obligation? Not to mention, our Prom's were on two different weekends.....Sounded like a bunch of bull to me.

"I'm not mad. I'll talk to you later."

There was no way i was going to sit there and let him tell me anymore bull. And i didn't. I was so bothered by that statement that i just decided i would go alone. Well, not really alone. I would be with "B" and her boyfriend. "B" and her ex(the one in previous notes that she had broken up with) had gotten back together by now and he was taking her to prom. I was happy for "B". She was much happier all the time and they were cute together. He treated her well and loved her. They gave me hope that someday, if travis ever got his head out of his rear, that he and i would get back together.

Apparently, Girl A had turned Travis down. Now, Girl A is the only girl that i know of that has ever turned Travis down, and i loved her for it. He deserved a good rejection once in his life.

It wasn't long after i had heard the news when Travis and I were talking on AIM. We were just talking about life and school. Then in the middle of nowhere, Travis said, "If the offer is still open i'd like to take you to Prom."

I thought about it for a while. My head reeeaaally wanted to just say, "Sorry buddy. you lost your chance. I already have a date." Which i did have a last chance guy. He had told me that if i didn't have anyone else to go with, i could go with him. But instead of saying what my head wanted to say, of course, i said what my heart was saying.

"I'd love for you to take me."

ME and my mom made my dress that year. ANd it turned out ok. I mean, you could tell it was homemade. I spent all day getting ready. I went to the tanning salon to get a spray on tan (yes, i hd to get the spray on because i do not tan!) and i ran errands looking for some jewelry. My mom spent a 2 or so hours on my hair and then did my make up. I was almost ready when Travis pulled up in his sparkly clean truck. He had spent a lot of that day cleaning his truck. He looked handsome. His strong shoulders filled out his suit well. HIs hair was perfectly put into place with gel. In his hand, he had a single rose.

My family let him in, and i walked in a few minutes later. I told him thank you for the rose. My mom took a billion pictures and then we finally left...to take more pictures at HIS house. His sister had just gotten a new camera so it was her job to take the pictures. We left his house to meet "B" and her boyfriend for dinner at Texas Land and Cattle. WE ate and talked, but only an hour had gone by and we still had an hour to waste.So we sat there some more and ate and talked. I was so stuffed when we left there that i could barely breathe.

WE had tons of fun when we arrived there. Neither of our dates could dance, so "B" and i danced together most of the time. When Travis and "B"'s boyfriend did dance, it was hilarious. I had never laughed so hard in my life. Travis started to get a lot of missed calls/texts on his phone. He opened his phone up once and i saw who it was....it was Misty.

Earlier that month we had been at LTC again. I know... my lucky place. This time, Travis had met an Misty. Misty was older, much older in fact. She was a junior in college! After a few times of missing her calls, Travis stepped out and SAID he had to use the bathroom. I knew what he was really doing. My heart had just broken. Why did she have to call tonight? WHy did she choose this night, at this time? I instantly did not like her. He came back in about 15 minutes and told me he was sorry. I quickly said, "it's fine". We sat at the table for a while, not really speaking any words. I didn't know what he had said to her or what she said to him while they were on the phone, but i did know that he left me, to talk to her. That was all i needed to know.

We danced one slow dance together. Luckily i didn't have to look at him while dancing. All these thoughts were going through my mind. Why can't he see me? Why can't he understand that we belong together? Why does he need to date other girls? Why doesnt......... he........see ........... me?
i was standing right there, why couldn't he notice me and REALLY see me?

Prom had ended and we had plans to go to IHOP with some people for an after prom thing. SO we went to my house and changed, and then headed up to IHOP. There were alot of people there. And i was thankful because all those people helped to keep Misty off my mind. My curfew was coming up so Travis had to take me home. He walked me to my door and told me thank you for taking him. We hugged and Travis kissed me. I wanted to slap him and ask him what gave him the right? But i didn't. I just stood there and kissed him back.

When i went to bed that night, you bet i was confused. I didn't know what was going on with him and Misty, but it was enough that he would leave me at my own Prom to go talk to her. And then he had the NERVE to kiss me. What was he trying to do to me? WHy did he insist on hurting me so much?

I never came up with any answers. I just fell asleep wondering. Prom wasn't what i had expected. It wasn't what i had always seen in the movies and it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. But i got to spend time with Travis, and despite the misty thing, that was all i really wanted.

Leaving the past behind

2008-11-03T08:43:00.000-08:00

Junior year started and Travis and I had finally mended all of our brokeness. I finally felt like i had my best friend back. The only thing that was different from now and from before we dated, was that I still had strong feelings for Travis, which made things more complicated sometimes.

As school started, things were going great. It felt like we were starting off on a clean slate. There were times where we'd even meet at each others lockers like we did before we broke up. Travis and I even had a class together in which he sat right behind me. It was the first class we had had together since we started high school. It was nice to get to see him everyday. Well, it was nice for a while.

I started to notice that Travis was acting a little distant. It wasn't like before where he would completely ignore me or anything, but there was still something missing. I found out that Travis had found interest in another girl. (we'll call her girl A). Girl A was the type of girl who was involved in anything she could be involved in. She was smart, funny, christian-like and of course gorgeous. She was the type of girl that any or most guys in our class would have loved to date. Travis began spending time with HER in the halls, walking with HER to classes and walked her to her car after school. When he was walking with her, if i crossed his path, he'd nod his head in my direction and say, hey!" and keep on walking.Of course, my heart was broken all over again. This time it felt worse. I couldn't compete with Girl A and i didn't want to have to. I also knew that as long as they dated, my heart would never mend and i'd never feel okay. There were days that i'd go home and cry, and then there were days that i was just in a bad mood and reacted negatively towards my family.

So my mom and I decided it was best that i transfer schools. I just needed to get away from Travis and try to put him in the past. In October of 2003, i transfered to Coronado High School. I've never been good at making new friends. I'm usually quite akward and shy around people i don't know. SO it was a scary and nerve wrecking experience for me, but anything was better than having to watch Travis with Girl A day after day. I guess it upset Travis because after i transfered we just stopped talking.

Coronado was a different experience. I had a hard time making friends and most of the time i felt lonely. But "B" and I were hanging out a lot and everything seemed to be going really well. I didn't think about Travis as much and i could tell my heart was mending little by little. I had been at a new school now for 3 months and hadn't spoken a word to Travis. So one night I was logged into AIM one night and saw that Travis was also on. I decided to say hello. I knew i was strong enough to at least have a conversation with him. He was kind and responded with a hello as well. We had our first conversation since i had left Frenship. It was short and friendly. It was aparently all we needed to start talking again though. We began talking alot online. He understood that i didn't want to hear about Girl A. So we talked about school, sports and work. On my birthday that year, Travis suprised me with a birthday card and a bag of hershey kisses (my favorite!). He was trying to make that step in hopes that we could be friends again and i appreciated it.

Then, a month later, we were going back to Mexico for another mission trip.Travis and I rode in the same vehicles to and from the trip. We hung out a lot during that trip and enjoyed the converstaions we had. When we were almost back in Lubbock, i asked him if he had missed Girl A. He paused for a little while, probably unsure if he should tell me and responded with a yes. I shook my head and smiled. It hurt a little bit that he was missing another girl. BUT, i had come a long way. If i hadn't of transfered schools and got away from that situation i would have reacted differently. SO i was proud of myself.

When we arrived at the church, we all got out and made a big circle and Travis stood next to me. We were asked to all hold hands. Travis grabbed my hand. It felt wierd at first. It was the first physical contact i had had with him in a very long time. I looked at him and he smiled. I smiled back at him and we all bowed our heads to pray. We prayed to thank God for a wonderful trip.

We gathered all of our luggage and were ready to go home. I was about to walk back out to my car to go home, when Travis hugged me. It was a real sincere hug. We hugged for what seemed like a couple of minutes and he whispered in my ear, "When i said i missed Girl A, i meant it. But not as much as i miss you." I smiled and said, "Thank you."

Trouble in my heart!

2008-10-31T12:06:00.001-07:00

(Bethany has been asking me to hurry up and post more notes! So this is for you Bethany!)

I was really hurt that Travis was already talking to another girl not even a week after we had broken up that i said somethings that i shouldn't have. Travis was infuriated with me thus making things worse. At first i didn't care! I wanted to make him mad. I wanted to do anything that would hurt him as much as he hurt me. But after a few days, i really just wanted him to get over it. I apologized to him, but he didn't seem to want to accept my apologies. He wouldn't look at me or even say hello. I had hurt him with my words and he wasn't about to let me off the hook.

I looked outside my living room window one night to find Travis' truck sitting in front of our drive way. Why would he be here? He hated me. I walked outside, opened his passenger side door and hopped inside. I said, "Hey" to which he replied "Hey". I assume he had just gotten off from work because he had his work shirt on. I asked him what he was doing there. He said, "I just wanted you to know that i forgive you so that you can go on with your life." See, earlier that day i had made a prayer request that a friend that i had hurt would forgive me so that WE could move on. I guess this was Travis' way of replying to my request. I made sure he knew that i was very sorry about the words i said, but that i was hurt by his actions. I explained to him why i reacted the way i did. What i didn't know was that Travis was hurting too. He didn't like to see me hurt anymore than i liked to be hurt. We fought it all out that night in his truck, but by the end or our conversation we were at least one step closer to being friends again. Neither of us really knew HOW to be friends after dating, but we were going to try.

School was out now, and that summer was long. Travis and I were working on being friends, but it was akward most of the time. We went to several church camps and mission trips together and it helped our friendship a lot.

We were in Mexico for mission work during the month of july. We were to the point that we could talk and be friends without it being really akward. We went with a group from Altus,NM so there were plenty of us there. Travis was hanging out alot with one of his close friends who was older and was also a girl. They got a long perfectly and made each other laugh. It made me jealous. Not necessarily because i thought they were going to date, in fact i knew he wouldn't date her. It was because she had that bond with him that i USED to have before everything happened. So i decided to hang out with my own group of friends. I ended up meeting one of the guys that came from Altus. He was nice and pretty funny so it was a breath of fresh air that i desperately needed. It wasn't long after i started hanging out with him that i noticed Travis was acting weird. He was being way to quiet and when he DID look at me, it was a look of anger. I asked him to talk to me about it, and he wouldn't at first, but i was determined. I MADE him talk to me.

He basically told me that he was angry that i was rubbing it in his face that i had found someone new to hang out with. I didn't know what he was talking about. I wasn't trying to rub anything in his face, in fact i didn't even know that he noticed i was hanging out with him. But it still meant a lot that it bothered him. I told him that it bothered me that he and the older girl were spending so much time together. We talked it out for a while and when we were finished discussing it we hugged. It was the first hug i had received from him since we had broken up and it felt good. I had missed his hugs and i didn't know how much i had missed them until i felt one again. Then he said, "You better make me a pretty good wife someday." Wait.... What?? Travis was still thinking of me as a potiential wife? It was good to hear that he still thought he'd marry me someday, but at the same time i was very confused. At the time, i was content with the way we were. We were rebuilding our friendship.

We spent a lot of the rest of that summer haning out with friends together. It was easier to hang out when everyone else was there too. One night we went to the park to play football. Everyone ended up leaving except for Travis, a mutual friend and I. We stayed and played keep away or something to that sort. I think Travis and I used this as an excuse to flirt. We wrestled the ball away from each other, jumped on each others backs trying to get the ball and laughing hysterically. It was the most fun we had, had since we broke up. When we got back to the church, Travis walked me to my car. We talked for a little while longer. Travis had to wait for his sister to leave because they had gone to church together in her car.

I was about to get into my car to leave, when Travis told me that he wanted to kiss me. He said that he really wanted to kiss me but didn't want me to take it the wrong way. What was i supposed to say to that? OF course my head and my heart were in 2 different places. My head was saying, "What? NO WAY JOSE!' but my heart desperately wanted him to kiss me. Just like in all cases, my heart won the battle. I told him, "Then kiss me. I wont take it the wrong way." When he leaned down to kiss me, memories from the past swarmed my head. I loved kissing him, but i almost instantly regretted my decision. How was i ever supposed to move on if we kept kissin'? And after what he said before we kissed, i knew it wasn't going where i was wanting it to go.

He basically told me he wanted to be friends but still be able to kiss, which i didn't necessarily mind, but i wasn't really thinking about how it would affect me when he found someone he wanted to date. And that day came sooner than i thought it would.....

Sometimes it takes loosing something, to gain something

2008-10-31T08:52:00.000-07:00

I woke up the next morning, dreading the day at school. I had previously wrecked my car and was depending on Travis for a ride to school. So not only did i have to see him at school, i had to sit literally a foot away from him in his truck on the way to school. I just wasn't ready to see him. I just wasn't strong enough to deal with the heart ache yet. Unfortunately, i was forced to deal with it.

Travis was usually running a little late. He was always late enough that he would have to speed a little to get to school on time. So i wasn't surprised when he showed up close to 15 minutes before we were supposed to be in class. When i saw his truck pull up in my drive way, my heart instantly sunk. I literally felt a sharp pain in that general area, however, i refused to let him know that it bothered me so much. So i took a deep breath and met him outside. We said quick hello's to each other, but didn't say much else the whole way. I spent the rest of the day trying to dodge having to tell people taht we had broken up. Everyone had noticed that we weren't together in the hallways anymore, we didn't go to each other's lockers and we weren't talking. When his name came up in conversations i tried to change the subject as fast as possible. He was the last thing i wanted to talk about. I was doing pretty well at acting like i was strong...until my last period. I heard rumors that Travis was already talking to another girl. (For her privacy and such, we'll call her Kay). I was devastated. I didnt know Kay as a person, but i knew she was beautiful and if the rumors were true, she was getting attentin from Travis and that was enough to make me jealous. Small tears began falling out of my eyes. I managed to hold back the majority of my tears, but by the time that class was over I was ready to bolt out of that building. My locker was across from Travis' and he came up to ask if it was ok if he didn't take me home today because he had something he had to do and wanted to make sure i had a ride home. I was fine with that. In fact, i was a little relieved. Less time spent with him was a-okay with me. I responded quickly and straight to the point, "Yeah, thats fine." I don't know if he could tell something was wrong or if he just wanted to see how i was doing but he asked, "are you okay?" I didn't want to talk to HIM about any of my emotions, so i told him i was fine and that i'd see him later.

It was then that i saw Kay walk up to him and i knew the rumors were true. I quickly walked away and called my dad to come and get me. He was confused because he thought Travis was taking me home. I told him it was a long story and i didn't want to talk about it.

I got a phone call that evening from my best friends mom. She said that "B" had just broken up with her boyfriend and was very upset. She explained that she didn't want to talk to anyone but thought she may want to talk to me. I didn't know what i would have said to comfort her, but it couldnt have hurt. I could use a friend to lean on right now too, so i told her i would be there in a few minutes. At this time, "B" didn't know that Travis and I had broken up. I hadn't hd time to tell her. I found "B" in her room in tears. She and her boyfriend had been dating for the same amount of time taht Travis and I dated. In fact, it was kind of weird that we had broken up with our boyfriends around the same time. But "B" hadn't been dumped like i was. SHe was the dumper. I think she was needing a more spiritual guy and her boyfriend just wasn't raised that way so she knew she had to end it, which broke her heart. I hugged "B" and told her i was sorry. It was then that i told her about Travis and me. She was shocked, but hugged me back and said she was sorry as well. We hung out that day and tried to make each other laugh and do anythign that would take the other's mind off of you know who.

I thought it was odd that we were going through this together, but now i understand that it was God giving us someone to help us heal and to get through the heart ache. "B" and I had a strong friendship before it happened. But through the heart ache, we became even stronger. We had a bond that no one could come in between and we were there for each other no matter what. "B" was the answer to my prayers at that time. I had lost my friendship with Travis, but i was gaining a stronger one with "B", and i was definately ok with that!

Heart-ache

2008-10-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

Attention readers: All views expressed in this blog are of mine. Anything said or written here is from my side of what happened and how I felt. Travis has his own version. Although most of what happened is the same in both stories, what was going through our heads and hearts during what happened are different. So don't judge... just enjoy the story!

Travis and I were no longer a happy and mushy couple. We weren't fighting all the time and we still got along, but we had issues we were needing to work out and neither of us knew where to start or how to fix everything.

So one day i wrote Travis a letter while i was in one of my classes. I don't remember exactly what it said, but basically it said that we needed to find a way to work everything out. We needed to talk about it and find a way out of the messy situation we had gotten ourselves into. I told him that i still loved him with all of my heart, but that what was going on could not go on anymore. The day i wrote him this letter, was the day before we were supposed to leave for a weekend convention called LTC. LTC is a leadership training conference thing were abunch of elementary students up to seniors in high school compete in diferent catagories like chorus, puppets, bulletin board....etc.

I didn't hear from Travis the rest of that day. In fact, around midnight that night, i got a call either from his sister or his mom wondering if i knew where he was. I told them i didn't know and that i hadn't heard from him since school was out. They told me not to worry and that he would probably be home any minute. I spent the rest of that night packing and waiting for a call from him. The call never came. I have to admitt that i was pretty worried about him. HE never stayed out too late. He was never in trouble with his mom. This just wasn't like Travis.

I got to the church at 5am on Good Friday. We always had to leave so stinkin' early to go to LTC. I had been there for a good thirty minutes before Travis showed up. Instantly when i saw him i was a little angry. Why hadn't he called? HE usually calls me to at LEAST tell me goodnight. I was also a little relieved that he ended up being fine. But i was also inquizitive. WHere had he been? and why so late? I didn't really want to ask him and risk him thinking that i was being nosy....so i didn't. Instead i walked up to him, put all of my emotions away and said, "Hello". He didn't even smile when he said hello back. I really didn't know what was going on. This definately wasn't the reaction i was used to getting from him. HOwever, i gave him the benefit of a doubt and decided that he was moody because he had gotten in trouble last night and was now grounded. I wasn't sure if i should have kept talking to him or let him have his space, but i walked off. I didn't know how to respond to this new vibe i was getting from him.

I talked with other friends until it was time to load the bus. I was sitting in my own seat when Travis finally loaded the bus. I just stared at him. I didn't know if he was going to want to sit by me, or if he wasn't. I didn't want to ask him to in fear of rejection again. SO i just stared. Travis stopped where my seat was and asked, "Can i sit here?". I told him he could, but again i noticed he wasn't acting like he usually did. The whole way up to LTC, we spoke very little if at all. Something was going through his mind to make him act so distant. I COULDNT STAND IT! but i didn't know how to fix it without making things worse, so i just suffered. The weekend at the convention was no different than the bus ride. When i tried to talk to him it was akward and if he did reply it was in small answers as if he was trying to talk to me as little as possible. This weekend was one of the most miserable weekends of my life.

We arrived back home on Easter sunday, April 20th. Our church wouldnt let us get our luggage until after the evening sermon, in hopes that we would attend. Normally i would, but that evening i was in no mood to sit through a sermon. I sat in the grass in front of the chrch building with my brother and a friend, while Travis sat in his truck. I looked over at him a couple of times. HE was just sitting there...with a blank stare. Something was wrong. So eventually i decided that we NEEDED to talk about whatever it was that was bothering him. I could not make it another hour in this mess. I stood at his driver side window (which is where he was sitting) and just looked at him for a while. Finally, i said, "Hey" to which he replied with a simple, "Hey". I asked him if he enjoyed the weekend and he said, "yeah". NOthing had changed....i was still getting those short one worded answers. Finally he said, "Can we talk?"

NOw at this point i should have been worried. But instead i was excited! He actually WANTED to talk. I wasn't having to make him talk to me. So i said, "sure". He got out of his truck and walked me over to the side of the church building. At first he was quiet. Thats when i got nervous. He asked me ," Do you like dating me?" I told him i did. HE told me he liked dating me too, but that i was right in my letter. I was right when i said we NEEDED to fix our mess. He paused again for while. At this point, i knew what he was about to say. In fact i could have just walked off knowing what had happened without hearing him say it. But it was kind of like in those scary movies when the villian is chasing the victum and they fall and can't get up. they do that so the audience has to listen and has to watch. I was the audience in this case. I knew what he was about to say, yet i just had to hear it. I couldn't walk away. AFter a few seconds of silence Travis said ,"I think we need to take a break." And that was it. That was what i knew was about to happen. But it wasn't until i heard him say it that i began to cry. I didn't want to cry. Especially not in his precense, but i couldn't hold back the tears. He went on to say that we were just getting to serious too fast. That he was guy and the seriousness of it scared him. He said we were only 16 and that he wanted to be free to date other girls and wanted the same for me. He told me he still loved me and that this wasn't forever, that we could end up dating again. ANd of course, he said he still wanted to be friends.I just stood there crying and said nothing. What could i say? What could i do? He had already made up his mind and there was nothing i could say or do that would change it. He reached to me so he could hug me, but i just stood there. SO he walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me and tol dme not to cry. WHo was he to tell me not to cry? I had every right to. I had put so much into this relationship, even at 16 years of age! My tears were tears of sadness, anger, and pain.

We still had to go take communion, so i wiped off all the evidence of crying that i could. I didn't want others to see me and to ask me what was wrong. I just wanted to get this over with and go home. But the whole time during communion, i cried. When it was over i just about ran people over to get out of there. I went straight to the bus to get my belongings and made my little brother hurry as well. We were probably the first ones out of that parking lot. WHen we arrived home, I left all of my bags in the car and went inside to find my mom. When i found here all i could say was, "MOm...." and she knew. She embraced me in her arms and said, "OH HOney..." and that was all i needed. My mom understood my heartache, and just her embrace seemed to calm me down.

That night as i lay in bed, i realized that the fear i had the day after our first kiss was coming true. Our relationship was ruined, and our friendship was soon to be as well.

Messy-ness

2008-10-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

We hadn't been dating long before we started using the "L" word. In any other case, i would have felt it was way too soon to say it, but with Travis it was natural and sincere. I guess since we had been friends for so long before we dated, we felt we already knew all about each other. I knew that I already loved Travis for the man he was. So when Travis first told me he loved me, I didn't hesitate to tell him that i loved him too.

Travis did many sweet and romantic things for me while we were dating. He walked me to my classes if he could, if i wasn't feeling well he would try anything to make it better, and he even wrote me a few sweet letters. He told me he loved me often and gave me a lot of hugs. On Christmas day that year, Travis came into my bedroom to wake me up with my gift. He was as excited to give it to me as i was to recieve it. He had one of those big boyish grins on his face and he couldn't wait for me to open it up. I took the lid of off the small box to find a charm for my charm bracelet. The charm was perfect. It had two hearts that were linked together. I loved it. I loved everything about that moment. He was the perfect boyfriend. It ALL seemed so perfect. And in almost all cases, when things seem to perfect something or someone comes along that tries to mess it all up.

In about 6 months into our relationshp, we had allowed the Devil to come between us. We were no longer focusing on God and on what God wanted for us. We made some mistakes and I realized what had happened, my heart was broken. Travis and I were on AIM, a popular instant messenger at the time. I had to tell him what i was feeling. So I told him that i thought the devil was trying to come in between our relationship with God. I told him how heart broken it had made me and how sad i was about it. He didn't just understand, he felt the same way too. So i told him to come over the next morning so we could talk about it.

Travis showed up the next morning. I was in tears. I didn't understand what had happened or how it had happened. Neither of us meant to bring the other one down with us. And neither of us liked seeing the other with a broken heart. Travis took me into his arms and tried to comfort me. When i looked up at him i noticed he had been crying as well. That was the first and one of the only times i have ever seen Travis cry. So we began praying together. Travis would lead the prayers and i would bow my head and listen. He would ask God to forgive us for our sins and to come into our hearts and captivate us. We desperately needed God. We had always wanted God to be a big part of our relationship.

After that happened, we were stronger than ever. God was slowly piecing back all of the pieces to our hearts and trying to mend them and mold them. We were back to being a happy and in love couple..... at least for a couple more months. ANd then things got messy.

The first date.

2008-10-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

School was about to start up again, and I knew that we would both be to busy to hang out as much as we were. I didn't know if i was ready for that to happen. I guess Travis was feeling the same way because he asked me on our FIRST official date. When i asked my mom if i could go on a date with him, i was expecting to hear a "no". My family had a rule that we weren't allowed to date until we were 16. That wasn't the case though. I guess she trusted Travis and liked him, or maybe i was just close enough to being 16 that she allowed us to go on date. The plan was to do something simple and not too complicated. So we planned to go to the movies.

Getting ready that evening was stressful. What was I supposed to wear? This wasn't just my first date with Travis, it was my first date period! What was i supposed to do with my hair? HOw was i supposed to act? I made many trips from the bathroom and back to the bedroom that night. I remember my mother laughing at me as i trotted past her view. I ended up wearing my favorite green sweater with some nice jeans and some nice shoes. My hair was curled and half way pulled back. I had just a touch of make up on, but it was enough to satisfy me. I felt pretty good about the way i looked. Finally, my ride was here.

Of course we couldn't drive ourselves. We were only 15. So Travis got out of his sister's car and walked to my door. He rang my doorbell and when my mom answered the door he stepped inside to wait for me. I was a nervous wreck, but i didn't show it. He smiled and said hello. I replied back with a hello and we left. When we got to the movie theatre and sat down, Travis reached for my hand and held it. We made small talk until the previews came on. I don't remember what movie we went to see, but movies are at least an hour and a half long and we held hands the entire time.

When the movie was over, Travis called his parents so that someone could come and get us. WHile we waited, we talked about school starting, football, and even though he often made fun of me for being a band nerd, we talked about band. It never mattered what we talked about. I genuinely just enjoyed his company and enjoyed any topic of conversation with him... even football, which i did not understand.

About 15 minutes later, his dad pulled up to take us home. He asked us how the movie was and we both replied, "Good". WHen we got to my house that night, Travis walked me to my door like a gentleman. He said he had fun and that he was glad we got to go out before school started. I agreed. Travis gave me a goodnight hug that night which i was content with. I wasn't ready for his dad to see me kiss his son, and i guess Travis felt the same way. That just wasn't cool.

I got ready for bed that night with nothing but my date on my mind. NOt only had i just been on my first date ever, but i had been on my first date with Travis.

The start of something new

2008-10-24T07:43:00.000-07:00

When i woke up the next morning, all the thoughts that were in my head on the previous night were gone. I didn't feel the same way about that kiss that i had the night before. Instead, thoughts of regret and sadness were there. I liked the kiss, and i liked Travis.... but i didn't want to like either of them. Travis and I had a really good friendship. We were best friends and I had never had a friend like that before. So instead of excitement about the kiss from the night before, there was regret. I was scared of loosing my best friend. I knew that we were only 15 and if we did date, we would more than likely break up, and break ups brought pain and heart ache. I wasn't ready to go there.

When i logged into AIM that day, Travis instant messaged me.

Travis: Hey
ME:Hey
Travis: What are you doing?"
Me: Nothing. You?

And the conversation was a dull as that for a while.
Then Travis wrote:

Travis: Sorry about last night. I just looked at you and really wanted to kiss you.

I thought about that for a little while. The girly mushy side of me was so excited that i didn't listen to my head. My head was saying, "NO, this is going to ruin everything." But my heart won the battle.

I replied, "It's ok. I'm glad you did."

And that was it. That's how we started dating. HE never officially ASKED me to be his girlfriend, but somehow we both just understood that we were exclusive.

Our friends were a little surprised and a little schocked. NO one really expected for us to start dating. We both had a mutual close friend who had the same worries i did. He worried that when we broke up, he'd have to pick sides or we would never be able to hang out all together again. But he supported our dating anyway.

Travis was in two-a-days most of the first 2 weeks we were dating so i didn't hear from him usually until later that evening. He would call me and ask me to hang out for a little while. So we'd walk to meet each other half way and ended up at my house usually. He was a sweet talker too. He'd tell that he couldn't stop thinking about me during his two-a-days and how he was so lucky to be dating me. I really enjoyed hearing him say those things and often blushed in response to them.

But in all actuallity, i felt it was me who was the lucky one. Like i've said before, Travis was the popular guy who could probably have dated any girl he wanted. He played football and as a sophomore was put on the varsity team. It was a pretty big deal because there were only two more sophomores who made it on the team. He also played basketball and was also very good at it. He had many friends and almost everyone loved him. Then there was me. I was in Band and most of MY friends were also in band. I had quit basketball the year before, so i was no longer in sports. I was lucky if people even knew who i was. And yet, somehow Travis wanted to date ME, SImple and boring me. I was really the lucky one..... as society may have seen it.

The crossover...

2008-10-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

Travis started calling me at least once a week. We'd talk for a little while about whatever came to our minds, but neither of us really enjoyed talking on the phone so it was never too long of a conversation. I would tell him about my day and about my current crush. He would talk about basketball or football, but for the most part just listened to whatever nonsense i had to talk about.

Eventually, we started hanging out more outside of school and drivers ed. We met half way between our blocks and then decided what we were going to do. Most of the time we went back to one of our houses to watch a movie or chill, sometimes we went to sonic to get a drink, or we'd just walk around the neighborhood aimlessly.

Summertime came and Travis was leaving for the first trip to Mexico that summer (there were two), along with many of my other friends for a mission trip. I don't remember why, but i didn't go. But, i remember when they all got back, Travis had a new girlfriend. She was older than we were and was head over heals for him. I had a close friend that had always been in love with Travis and when she came back from Mexico, she was not happy. A lot of our conversations consisted of, "He lead me on the whole time", and " She's so much older". In fact, a lot of people were not happy with his decision to date her.

After Church one evening, we all decided to go to the night session at Encounter, which is a camp that is held at LCU (just across from our church). Travis and I stepped to the side before heading over there and I asked him about his new girlfriend. He told me that he reallly liked her but hated that everyone was giving him such a hard time about dating her. I shook my head and tried to listen to what he had to say. I could tell it really upset him that no one was giving him any support in the matter. I didn't necessarily like the girl, but he did. So i said, "It doesn't matter what they think or what they want. You choose who you date. IF you like her, then date her." I guess i said the right thing because he smiled and told me thank you.

During the time he dated her, we didn't talk as much on the phone as we used to, and we didnt really hang out as often either. It wasn't because we had grown apart this time, it was just because he was busy with his new girlfriend, and i understood. He seemed to be happy and that was a good enough reason for me. It wasn't too much longer before Travis broke up with her. He never really told me why they broke up, but i assume they didn't click as well as he thought they might. So with the girlfriend out of the picture, we were back to hanging out all the time. Things were perfect. We laughed all the time and there was never a dull moment. The second Mexico trip came around, and Travis was gone again. It was just like last time, except this time i realized that i missed him more than last time. It was a wierd feeling. Travis and I had been friends for a while now, but I never really MISSED him like i was this time. I figured it was just because all of my friends went with him and i was just feeling lonely. So when they came back home from mexico, I was extatic to see him. School was about to start back up again so we took every advantage of the summer to hang out as much as possible. We started hanging out longer and later.

On the night of August 9, 2002 I walked Travis half way home like we always did. But something was different about this night. It felt a little bit more akward, and i could tell he was wanting say or do something but just hadn't done it yet. So we stopped on the corner of 27th Street to say our goodbyes for the night. I told him the usual things like, "I had fun. I'll see ya tomorrow" and hugged him. When we released each other from the hug, he looked at me for a while. I didn't know what was going on or why he was acting so wierd. Then i knew.... Travis was leaning in for a Kiss! It was a real, romantic kind of kiss you see in the movies. Thoughts were going through my mind in every direction. I wondered what he was doing? Why was he doing this? Did he like me or was this just a game to him? But all these thoughts were lost when i realized that I WANTED him to kiss me.

He pulled away, smiled and said, "Goodnight". We went our seperate ways and headed back home. The whole way home I had a strange feeling. I now understood why they used sayings like "on cloud nine" and "weak in the knees". I don't remember actually walking home... but somehow i got there safely.

I laid in bed that night wondering what was going to happen to our friendship. What if he didn't like the way i kiss? Or what if he is freaking out and wishing he hadn't kissed me. I was scared, nervous, happy, and a little anxious. I had a hard time sleeping that night.

One little kiss was about to change our friendship forever, either for the worse or the better. I just wasn't sure which one.

More than an Aquaintance

2008-10-21T11:06:00.000-07:00

Travis had just broken up with his 8th grade sweet heart. They had been dating pretty much our whole 8th grade year. So I think after they broke up he was really just wanting to hang out and chill a lot. The summer after our 8th grade year we went on a Jr. High Mission trip to Cherokee,TX. At this point we were still just friends. We weren't too close, but we were getting to know each other. The trip consisted of a lot of hours in the van, so we spent a good amount of time in each others presence. I learned his likes and dislikes, what his hobbies were, what type of girls he liked, what made him laugh, what made him mad and many other things. And i guess he was learning the same things about me. After the trip was over and we came back home, We were definately friends.

Our 9th grade year started about a month later. We kind of drifted apart once school started. It was more akward to start a conversation. He had his friends (the jocks/popular groud) and i had mine (the band). We still saw each other everyonce in a while in the hallways and said a quick hello. He was usually surrounded by all of his friends and i didn't want to risk saying hello and feeling rejected. Travis turned 15 that year in november. I made sure to tell him "Happy Birthday" so that he knew i was thinking of him. It wasn't long after that, that i turned 15 as well.

Travis signed up for Driver's Ed at the Lubbock Driving School that was owned by a man from our Church. He came up to our group at church one day and asked some of us to join the same class with him. I was the only one who took up on his offer. So we had a deal to carpool to and from driver's ed. So every wednesday( i can't really remember the exact days we went) we got to spend more time together, just me and him... no sterotypes and no judgement from our friends at school. At this time, i was completely comfortable around him. I looked at Travis as just a friend. He was fun to have around, he made me laugh, i enjoyed conversations with him and he made me feel like he felt the same. And because we were getting to spend so much time together outside of school, we began actually talking at school. I wrote him several notes during me classes, we'd meet up at each other's lockers in between classes and we'd wait for our rides after school together.

Travis had gone from being an aquaintance and then a friend. But now, he was one of my best friends.

It was a start

2008-10-20T07:42:00.000-07:00

I decided to change my blog into a sort of "Information Station" about Travis and I. A way to let people know what we're up to and what's new in our lives, especially since our siblings live so far away. So in order to do so, I'm going to give you a little background information for those of you who don't know us that well. It may take me a couple of posts to do so, but i think it will be fun to go down memory lane. So this post is the start of something very small.

For as long as i can remember, Travis and I have attended the same church, the same school, and lived 5 blocks away from each other most of our lives. When we were younger i knew who he was, but he was more of an acquaintance, not a friend. We were always in the same bible class at church, yet we had never spoken a word to each other.

Even though we weren't friends yet, we had been through a major tragedy together. Close to the end of our 6th grade year, we (our class) was invited to attend a youth group retreat with our church. The youth group consisted of 7th- 12th graders and it was a tradition to invite the incoming 7th graders on the spring retreat as a welcoming weekend. After a very spiritual lifting weekend in the mountains, we packed up the buses and started to head for home. I was on the first bus, also known as Bertha, and Travis got on the yellow school bus. We hadn't been driving very long when the driver of Bertha pulled over on to the side of the road. All of her occupants were confused and started asking questions. All we were told was that the other bus had been in a wreck and we were gong to wait for them to sort everything out. So we all unloaded and walked around. We could see the other bus on the other side of the mountain, but it was small and we couldnt see the damage. After waiting around for what seemed like hours, they told us that some people were going to have to go to the hospital and they were waiting for the cops, so we were going to a local church to wait it out. I guess we all got a little more nervous because i remember the ride to the church was pretty quiet. When we got to the church, they welcomed us with open arms. They had food for us, blankets and some people even opened up there homes so that we could rest or take a shower. After hours of being there, we were all starting to ask questions. We hd beed there for a long time and still had not heard anything. No one would answer our questions but we could tell from the looks they were giving us that what had happened was not good.

It was late when the majority of the people from the yellow bus arrived at the church. They had all been checked out by the hospital and they were exhausted, as could be imagined. I don't remember what was said or how things happened exactly, but i remember this is when we found out for sure that there were some deaths. I remember hugging them all and not knowing what to say. We had all been through this trajedy, but our experience was not near as trajic as the experience these members had to go through.Travis was coming down the line, doing his fair share of hugging, and when he got to me i hugged him and told him something to the effect of i was glad he was alright. He fought past the feeling of exhaustion enough to reply back with a "Thank You." I believe those were the first words i had ever said to him.

The next few weeks brought a lot of tears and sadness. But the sadness faded into joyfulness because the 6 girls who had died were in heaven with God and all their sorrows and pain on this earth were over. Our group had grown stronger through it all. Through the trajedy, we all shared a very small bond. I had spoken my first words to the man who would someday become my friend, my best friend, my boyfriend, and my husband. It was a small start to a small friendship.

Trenton's First Birthday and other new stuff....

2008-09-30T13:21:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, Travis and I headed up to Tulsa, OK along with my parents for my youngest nephews first birthday! Here are some pictures we took...

This is Travis with Trenton...

Trenton with his birthday cake.....

So It was a small party, but it was fun! I can't believe that he's already 1 years old!

Some new news is:

1. My sister is expecting ANOTHER child.. this is her third one in less than three years!... crazy. We found out that it is ANOTHER boy :(... we were kind of hoping for a girl. Her due date is in February.

2. For those of you who don't know, i have been on weight watchers now for almost 2 months. So far, i've lost 12lbs.... which is good i know, but i was hoping to have lost more than that by now. But i need to work on my desire to work out, it's kind of been lacking.

3. Travis graduates in May. He is debating wether or not to go to Graduate school. He's not really sure what he's wanting to do yet, so keep that in your prayers!

So really that is all that i have to share. My life doesn't ever get overly exciting.

My goal for next week is to loose 3 more lbs and to work out a total of at least 7 hours during the week. I'll let you know how it's going in my next post!

Puppies= Love

2008-09-18T14:39:00.000-07:00

I LOVE puppies. They are so needy, loving, cute, and playful. I love puppies so much that My husband and I go to our local puppy store almost every sunday just so I can hold one and play with one. Puppies just bring me a different kind of happiness. Today, a puppy made me cry....

I was on my way to work and just like every other day, i had to stop at a pesky red light. I groaned at the annoyance of it and when i looked over, there it laid. The poor little helpless puppy that someone ran over :(. I couldn't help but think about where this puppy came from. Was it someone's little pet? Did they love him? IF they did, why did they let him get a way so far? Puppies just dont wonder off..... I was very sad. As all of these thoughts went through my head small tears came out of my eyes and down my cheeks. It was just more than my heart could take.

I have two dogs of my own whom i have raised since they were wittle puppies. If they had gotten run over i would be heartbroken. THey bring me such joy and happiness. When i am sad, they just know how to comfort me. When I am upset at my husband, they often act upset too lol. They are just so much fun.

This was Jax when he was a wittle puppy...

So to see such a small and innocent little puppy laying on the side of the road.... broke my heart into a million little pieces.

Tulsa, OK

2008-08-20T11:24:00.001-07:00

This past weekend i went to Tulsa, OK to visit my sister and her cute little family. We just relaxed and spent time with one another. I really enjoyed my time there.

Here is Braxton, my oldest nehew. He is 2 yrs. old and he's quite hilarious if you can't tell by the pictures. This is his "grill". Haha

This is my youngest nephew, Trenton. He is almost a year old and he is the sweetest little boy ever!

This is my sister, Candice with her baby, Trenton. Isn't she beautiful??

and finally this is me and my sister, AKA my best friend. I miss her all the time!

I have some other exciting news! Our good friend Jeremy is coming home on Friday from Austin! Jeremy is going to the army once he has graduated college so for the past 2 months or so, he has been at an Officer's Training camp sort of thing and then to Austin to work. We have missed him terribly, so his return home is very exciting! We are throwing him a welcome home party on Friday evening. I'm sure i'll have pictures for you then too!

To be honest, i haven't worked on my quilt in about a week or so. I know... thats bad. But, hopefully i'll start back on it soon. I still need to take pictures so i can show you all how it's turning out.

Thats all i have time for now, But i'll probably be writing a nother post later today!

Until then,

Jen

update

2008-08-13T13:08:00.001-07:00

Here's an update on my goals:

I started the quilt. I am really excited about how it is looking right now. I chose some different reds, browns and cream colors. So far it's looking pretty cool. My mom says that if i work hard i can probably have it done by october! I never knew quilting was such a long project, but the length of time it will take me hasn't made me quit yet! I'll take some pictures and show you what it's looking like in my next post.

My weight loss goals... well.. i've lost 2 lbs. Loosing weight is really tough! Especially in a world where there is a fast food restuarant at every corner! I have many friends who invite me to go out and eat with them and i'm having to leran to say no. It's not that eating out is necessarily what causes me to gain weight, but it's the temptations that are on the dang menu! I mean sure... i CAN order a salad with fat free dressing or something grilled and low fat, but who wants that when you can have something deep fried and covered with ranch?? THIS is the problem. So for now, until i reach my goal... there will be little eating out for me. I need to work on how many times i work out a week though.. i think that will help me reach my goal sooner.

Here's an update on other things in my life:

1. I'll be heading up to Tulsa, OK this weekend with my mom to see my sister and her family. I really don't get to see my sister very much at all these days (as you could imagine with the distance thing) so i am really ready for it.My sister is my best friend and I Love her so much. I wish she didn't leave so far away. BUT i will take lots of pictures there and show you how cute my nephews are!

2. I had been previously going to school part time and working full time since i have been married. However, this semester i have to take off because of some issues with South Plains and my paperwork not getting to them in time. This is both frusterating and relieving at the same time. Now i'll just be working full time. But at least i can fully concentrate on my goals now, right?

Like i said, I'll be posting pictures of the quilt hopefully tomorrow if your interested.

Thanks for reading!

-Jen

I'm setting some goals!

2008-07-23T11:20:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I've found out that I am really good at setting goals! When it comes to thinking of things i want to accomplish, i am the Pro! When it comes to actually accomplishing them (not just talking about them) however, it never happens. So I've thought of some goals that i am absolutely determined to accomplish before the 2008 year is over. I have two things i want to happen:

1. I'm going to learn how to quilt! I've actually already started this task with my first quilt project which will be an anniversary/Christmas gift to some close friends. My mom is helping me accomplish this goal by being my teacher! She makes amazing quilts!

2. I need to loose about 20 more lbs.! So far since January I have lost 14lbs...... I think it's managable! :)

I'll let you know my progress on these two things throught the next few months!!

Longing to be a Mommy to be

2008-07-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

When I was young and someone would turn to me and ask, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" I would reply with some common child like answer and say "I want to be a doctor!" or "I want to be a teacher!" and while these things are great aspirations, they were never really mine. What I REALLY aspire to be is a mommy. Just a full time, multi-taskin' wonderful mommy.

There is just one little problem with reaching my deisre at this point in my life. My husband, my other half, significant other.... whatever you want to call him. He is SO not ready for fatherhood. I think being a father is at the bottom or close to the bottom of his "Things desired" list. He's not ready to give up his freedom! (or what little freedom he has left.. he IS married now you know) He likes doing what he wants to do when he wants to do it. He likes sleeping all through the night peacefully. He likes having money to go on vacations and things of the sort. He enjoys sitting in silence and stresses out when babies cry. He likes living life by a set plan or set path, and let's face it.....when you have kids there is no following a set plan. He's just not.... ready.

I've been told by many people, "you're too young!" and "It's not as fun as you think." and "You're not ready." I think I know myself better than anyone else and let me tell you I AM READY. I know babies cry a lot and that they make messes that you have to clean up. I know that babies NEED a lot of affection and attention. I know that babies are REAL babies and it's not like playing house. I don't expect raising a baby to be fun all the time. I know that it's hard work and stressful at times. I also know that babies are expensive. I know all of these things and I KNOW that I am ready for all of that. I am just waiting patiently for my time to be a mommy.......I have so much love inside of me for my someday babies.

I say two years.... he says five years to never.....

We'll see....!

Scared of The Night...not the Dark

2008-07-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

No. I am not scared of the dark like I was when I was Five. It's not that type of thing. It's not the dark I am scared of, it's being alone over night, in an empty house that I am scared of.

My other half works two jobs. He works at a local retail store during the week and then on the weekends he travels with a bunch of guys to various locations to do hard manual work. Well sometimes this job requires him to stay over night on fridays and doesn't come home until late saturday evening. I know he is out making extra money so that we can live a somewhat comfortable life. However, i HATE staying in our house over night all by my self. LIke I said before, it's not the DARK that scares me. It wasn't too long ago that my car got broken into. Well, if you want to call it "broke into". Anyway, every since then I have been so concerned with what goes on during the night when most people are sleeping. So, my other half is gone and I am in the house alone. What do I do when some one is trying to break into my house? Or what if something happens to me and I need to get to the hospital, but can not get ahold of anyone because they are all sleeping?? I drive my self crazy with all the possible horrible things that could happen.

Usually I let my dogs sleep inside with me for feelings of security, but really they are more scared of the night than I am. But i have found one thing that helps. I have a very close friend, Katie, that I ask to stay over. She usually agrees AND cooks me dinner! :) You can't beat that. But this weekend, she is gone too.

I will have to be a big girl and grow out of my fear starting tonight. But that doesn't mean I will like it.

The simple Life

2008-07-17T11:58:00.000-07:00

I don't have much of a social life. I go out every once in a while with some friends, or spend time at my parents house. Somtimes I go because I want to, but mostly because I feel the need to make others happy. BUT most of my time consists of sitting at a computer desk for means of income. The remaining parts of my life consist of sitting alone at home and waiting for my other half to come home from work. Until lately it was really bothering me that i didn't have more to do and that I didn't have many friends to call. At times it even mademe feel like i wasn't being a very good wife or a very good friend. However, as time has passed i've come to enjoy the quiet and peaceful alone time.

Why would anyone enjoy being alone? Why would I choose to to sit at home on a saturday night? Here is why: I love a simple life. I LIKE having time to relax and to step away from all the pressures of the world. I love not feeling like i have to be somewhere at a certain time and being almost "rush free". But most of all, I love using that time to find God and to talk to God. Often times I find myself talking to God about my day, asking him to keep some one safe, or just singing songs to him. (sometimes out loud!) I enjoy this time because I realize that as i get older and graduate college, eventually start to have kids and have a real job i wont have a simple, relaxing and easy life.

So judge all you want. You can think that I am a loser and that I am boring, but I know what I am doing. I'm taking life as it comes and trying to enjoy every second of it!

I'm alive!

2008-02-05T12:11:00.000-08:00

I was checking my email today when I noticed I had an email from my blog. To tell you the truth I had completely forgotten I had a blog. But now that I have been reminded, I am eager to write!

You might be wondering what is new in my life and here is what's new:
*I am now married!
*I have a new (well new to you) job that allows me to blog while working!
*I have TWO nephews now
*I am attending school again... this time for accounting
*annnd other than all of that, i'm still the same ole' me!

My mom and dad had been trying to sell their house and just when they were about to give up (after being on the market for over a year!) they finally sold it! They are now proud owners of their dream home in the new housing edition known as Vintage Township. If you've never heard of this housing edition, you should probably check it out! It's a bunch of old timey looking houses (like colonial, victorian....etc.). And they always have some pretty cool things you can come out and enjoy like ice cream in the park and they even have movies that are shown outside! Just a thought....

I'm currently on yet again another diet. ONly this time it seems to be working out well for me. In about a month i guess, I've lost 11 lbs! I know thats not a whoping high number but it's a start and hey.... it's 11 lbs less than what I weighed before! I still have a little bit to go in order to meet my goal!

-Jen

Today i am...

2007-05-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

Today i am in a slump mode.
I feel sad and i can't really say why.
It may have to do with the dream i had last night.
I feel like im getting in way over my head and way too quickly.
It feels like life is passing by and i have no control over it.
I've often made wrong decisions when i let life just take it's course.
Maybe im becoming a control freak.
I feel like i need to control every event, every moment, every second of my life.
I guess really i need to learn to just give it all to God.
Maybe i just need prayers.....
I just don't want to feel the way i feel today all the time....

Jennifer

2007-05-05T17:54:00.000-07:00

I have the best mommy in the world! On her birthday, she bought Trav and I a $800 bedroom set. It came with the bed frame/headboard/baseboard, a dresser with mirror AND a bedside table. Today she got us 400 thread count sheets and a pretty shower curtain! She does alot for me!

Thats it! See the dresser to the side with the oval mirror?? Thats our dresser! I like it alot and i think Travis does too, even if he has a hard time expressing his emotions! lol

Trav and I had our "sex" session of pre-martial counseling. That had to be the most akward time of my life. We seriously got a book of "first night" sex info. Way too many details were shared, BUT i guess it's a good thing to talk about. I think we have 2 more weeks of Pre-marital counseling and then only 2 1/2 weeks until the big day! Every day i get more and more excited, but with the excitment comes the stress! I just can't wait!

My wrapping isn't so pretty today....

2007-05-02T11:51:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, My wedding is coming up fast! IN fact it's barely 5 weeks away! So due to the common worries of just about every girl my age, I have been working out every day, eating only healthy foods and i have given up Dr. Pepper!! ( which if you know me.... you know just how hard that task is for me!)

If you're not familiar with Planet Fitness, basically it's a cheap work out facility. I've been a memeber for about 3 months now, but i've just recently started going on a regular basis. One perk of my membership is the tanning beds. Im usually a pretty pasty person, so i decided i would start tanning until my wedding. The first couple of times i only went for 10 minutes. I would be a little pink but it would go away by the end of the day. THe last two times i tanned, it didn't seem to do anything. SO i asked the receptionist, "is that supposed to happen?" She said it just meant i needed to go for a longer amount of time. So i went 15 minutes this time. AND i am RED!! (thus the reason my wrapping is not so pretty). It's like tomato red. So, needless to say, it will be a few days before i go tanning again!

Travis and I are currently in the process of trying to close on a house. I never knew how long it took to buy a house! BUT we are so excited! It's a really cute 3/2/2 house in a nice neighborhood! The sweetest thing he's said recently was, "This is going to be our home. We're going to get to spend the rest of our lives together right here!" So that makes me even happier!

That is the house.

By the way..... only 37 more days until forever!!

My First "blog" on blogger!

2007-04-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who has one of these and should be paid to recruit people because she did it fairly well. Im not much of a writer ( as you can probably already tell), but i thought, what the hay? So, in honor of my first blog, i'll tell you a little bit about me! (I can sense your joy!)

My name is Jennifer.

My birthday is November 30th.

I am 20 years old.

My favorite color is green, but my second choice is usually always blue.

I love Mexican food.

I have a fiance.

Im getting married on June 9th.

I have a job that pretty much pays me to do things like this.

I have an older sister and a younger brother.

They are both pretty much my best friends.

I have two parents who love me very much.

I only have one grandparent.

But that one grandparent makes up for the ones i never knew.

I tend to be a little on the lazy side, but i get stuff done when it needs to be done.

If i miss an episode of Grey's Anatomy, it almost ruins my whole week!

If a i had a dollar for everytime i have changed what i wanted to do.... i'd be pretty close to rich!

I drink Dr. Pepper so much that my blood is probably 3/4ths dr. pepper... haha

I am a member of the "Freshman 15" meaning.. i gained weight when i went to college.

Notice i did not say "proud member"

Likes:

rain/sunshine/spring/birds chirpping/basketball/photography/dr. pepper/chocolate/sitting by the fire on a cold night/ Grey's Anatomy/ laughter/ showers/ a clean home/ Church/ Friends/ Family/ Jesus!/ Ice Cream/ Sleep/ road trips/ pictures/ small get togethers/ camping/ retreats/ camp!/ weddings/ singing/ dancing......

Dislikes:

rude people/ snobs/ jerks/ hail/ tornados/ bad smells/ dishes/ laundry/ peas/ spinache/ reading/ when my puppy potties in the house......

Ok. There's more there than i bet you will probably read. Thanks for looking at my first blog!

Jennifer