Dissappointment

Christmas break was over and I had returned to Coronado, to finish the year there. Travis was still dating Girl A. The only thing different about this semester, and last semester was that i was thinking about him more. We had had such a good time in Mexico that December and i had no idea how he could still possibly be dating Girl A. How could he tell me that he missed me MORE, yet still want to date HER?? It just made no sense to me at all.

I guess it didn't make sense to him either, because a few weeks into January, he broke up with girl A. He told me that they just weren't getting along and it wasn't fun anymore. Of course, i was relieved. I didn't necessarily think he was going to date me again or anything. I just knew that life was better for ME, when he was single. But his time "girl free" didn't last long. In fact, it never did. He was begining to date more girls. He was never in relationships with any of them, but he took them out a couple or times or once...im still not really sure. BUT all this dating around he was doing was just putting more distance inbetween us. I was never mad at him for dating other girls. I understood that he was a stupid high school boy who was scared of commitment and this was his way of fleeing it. I wanted to give him space to do so, so i always had a tendency to back out of his life. He didn't need me there when he had all these other girls. I was just becoming another one of them... or thats how it felt.

We spent most of the rest of our junior year as friends. I didn't ask him about his life because i didnt want to know. But somehow people thought it was important to tell me every detail THEY knew about his life. They would tell me every bad thing travis did, every bad thing he had said and every bad thing they THOUGHT i would want to know. So i always found out. It infuriated me. Who were they to tell me what was going on? WHy did the think they had to tell me every detail. I did not want to know.... but i was forced to. ANd most of it always hurt me, wether it was true or not. I always told Travis what people were telling me, so that he could have the chance to back himself up. I knew Travis well enough to know that most of these things were rumors, but some of them ended up being true. The things that were true didn't bother me at all. I knew he was a teenage boy, and teenagers period are ridiculous. SO we got over all of those things and moved on with our lives.

Prom was coming up. Of course i didn't know of any one at Coronado that 1. would take me to prom or 2. i would go with to Prom. There was only one person i wanted to go with me, and unfortunately it was Travis. So i asked him if he would go with me to my prom. At the time i guess he was talking to another girl so he told me he'd have to think about it and get back to me. I was ok with that. But it wasn't long until he came back at me with a response. He said, "I feel like i have an obligation to take Girl A to prom." To which i replied, "Oook, so that's a no then right?"

"Right. I'm sorry. Don't be mad."

I wasn't mad. Just hurt. How did he have an obligation to take her? That didn't make sense. They had broken up months ago, yet he felt like he had an obligation? Not to mention, our Prom's were on two different weekends.....Sounded like a bunch of bull to me.

"I'm not mad. I'll talk to you later."

There was no way i was going to sit there and let him tell me anymore bull. And i didn't. I was so bothered by that statement that i just decided i would go alone. Well, not really alone. I would be with "B" and her boyfriend. "B" and her ex(the one in previous notes that she had broken up with) had gotten back together by now and he was taking her to prom. I was happy for "B". She was much happier all the time and they were cute together. He treated her well and loved her. They gave me hope that someday, if travis ever got his head out of his rear, that he and i would get back together.

Apparently, Girl A had turned Travis down. Now, Girl A is the only girl that i know of that has ever turned Travis down, and i loved her for it. He deserved a good rejection once in his life.

It wasn't long after i had heard the news when Travis and I were talking on AIM. We were just talking about life and school. Then in the middle of nowhere, Travis said, "If the offer is still open i'd like to take you to Prom."

I thought about it for a while. My head reeeaaally wanted to just say, "Sorry buddy. you lost your chance. I already have a date." Which i did have a last chance guy. He had told me that if i didn't have anyone else to go with, i could go with him. But instead of saying what my head wanted to say, of course, i said what my heart was saying.

"I'd love for you to take me."

ME and my mom made my dress that year. ANd it turned out ok. I mean, you could tell it was homemade. I spent all day getting ready. I went to the tanning salon to get a spray on tan (yes, i hd to get the spray on because i do not tan!) and i ran errands looking for some jewelry. My mom spent a 2 or so hours on my hair and then did my make up. I was almost ready when Travis pulled up in his sparkly clean truck. He had spent a lot of that day cleaning his truck. He looked handsome. His strong shoulders filled out his suit well. HIs hair was perfectly put into place with gel. In his hand, he had a single rose.

My family let him in, and i walked in a few minutes later. I told him thank you for the rose. My mom took a billion pictures and then we finally left...to take more pictures at HIS house. His sister had just gotten a new camera so it was her job to take the pictures. We left his house to meet "B" and her boyfriend for dinner at Texas Land and Cattle. WE ate and talked, but only an hour had gone by and we still had an hour to waste.So we sat there some more and ate and talked. I was so stuffed when we left there that i could barely breathe.

WE had tons of fun when we arrived there. Neither of our dates could dance, so "B" and i danced together most of the time. When Travis and "B"'s boyfriend did dance, it was hilarious. I had never laughed so hard in my life. Travis started to get a lot of missed calls/texts on his phone. He opened his phone up once and i saw who it was....it was Misty.

Earlier that month we had been at LTC again. I know... my lucky place. This time, Travis had met an Misty. Misty was older, much older in fact. She was a junior in college! After a few times of missing her calls, Travis stepped out and SAID he had to use the bathroom. I knew what he was really doing. My heart had just broken. Why did she have to call tonight? WHy did she choose this night, at this time? I instantly did not like her. He came back in about 15 minutes and told me he was sorry. I quickly said, "it's fine". We sat at the table for a while, not really speaking any words. I didn't know what he had said to her or what she said to him while they were on the phone, but i did know that he left me, to talk to her. That was all i needed to know.

We danced one slow dance together. Luckily i didn't have to look at him while dancing. All these thoughts were going through my mind. Why can't he see me? Why can't he understand that we belong together? Why does he need to date other girls? Why doesnt......... he........see ........... me?
i was standing right there, why couldn't he notice me and REALLY see me?

Prom had ended and we had plans to go to IHOP with some people for an after prom thing. SO we went to my house and changed, and then headed up to IHOP. There were alot of people there. And i was thankful because all those people helped to keep Misty off my mind. My curfew was coming up so Travis had to take me home. He walked me to my door and told me thank you for taking him. We hugged and Travis kissed me. I wanted to slap him and ask him what gave him the right? But i didn't. I just stood there and kissed him back.

When i went to bed that night, you bet i was confused. I didn't know what was going on with him and Misty, but it was enough that he would leave me at my own Prom to go talk to her. And then he had the NERVE to kiss me. What was he trying to do to me? WHy did he insist on hurting me so much?

I never came up with any answers. I just fell asleep wondering. Prom wasn't what i had expected. It wasn't what i had always seen in the movies and it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. But i got to spend time with Travis, and despite the misty thing, that was all i really wanted.