I'm tired of being tired because i can't sleep as good as i used to.
I'm tired of not being able to control my emotions.
I'm tired of feeling ugly and fat.
I'm tired of the constant worrying and stressing (althought i understand that one will never go away).
I'm tired of an achy changing body.
I'm tired of people asking me how i'm feeling.
I'm tired of getting kicked in the ribs and having a back that just wont stop aching.
I'm tired of finding random skin issues on my body that come along with pregnancy
I'm just so tired.
I LOVE the fact that in 12 weeks i'm going to be a mom. It's what i've always wanted to be. It's been my only passion in life. But i could have never anticipated or imagined how hard it would be to be pregnant for 9 months! I hope i'm being a good wife. I hope i'm not too moody towards my husband and that he feels i'm still contibuting something to our marriage, but i feel like all i can think about is me right now. I hope that my friends still feel like i'd do anything i could for them, but once again i'm often too tired and forget to send them a message jsut to say hello! I hope i'm being a good daughter and that my parents feel they can be proud of the parent I will be soon, but i just can't seem to care much about anything right now other than getting through the rest of my pregnancy. I feel selfish, lazy, stressed, tired, anxious, and crumy a lot these days. The days i feel energized, joyful, happy and loving seem to be out numbered by the bad days.
I'm tired.
SOmeone please tell me that this is normal. That i don't have to feel like a horrible person because i am tired. That i don't have to feel like a bad person because i don't want to be pregnant anymore. That even though i only have 12 more weeks, i wish it were more like 4..... Does this make me a bad person?
On the other "i love that I'm pregnant" side (which i often try my best to look at) today i am 28 weeks pregnant and i only have 12 more weeks to go. While i'm tired of getting kicked inthe ribs, i love feeling the movements of my baby and knowing that she is alive and okay. I enjoy the excitement people share with me when i have fun or interesting news to share about my pregnancy or baby. I can not, i repeat... i can not wait to be a mom. To be able to SEE my baby and hold her in my arms. To kiss her cheeks and wipe away her tears. I can't wait to watch Travis play with her and make her smile and laugh like he is so good at doing with others. I just can not wait for 12 more weeks to come by, but i dont have a choice. So i will wait, and try to be patient while my little baby girl is growing and getting ready for a lifetime of ups and downs with Travis and I.
Dear Hannah,
Please do not take what I am feeling personally. Some day you too will be expecting a little baby of your own and will understand the many different emotions that pregnancy brings. PLease know that I already love you with all of me heart and i would do anything for you, even if i had to carry you around inside of me for 9 more months :). In twelve more weeks, not only will i get to see you for the first time, but you will get to see your daddy and I for the first time as well. We love you sweet girl and i could not ask for a bigger more appreciated blessing from God. Until we meet, keep growing... keep kicking and try not to hurt me too bad on your way into the world ;) ok?
Love,
momma
1 comment:
You are so normal!!! I felt just like you do! And I started panicking, thinking that I wasn't cut out to be a mom. I didn't feel prepared and wondered how the hospital could just let me walk out the doors with a new baby that I knew nothing about.
I hated everything about my pregnancy, but having a baby in your arms totally makes up for everything that you put up with for 9 months.
Don't feel bad when you still feel like crap after you have the baby- that's normal too. It took a couple of months to feel completely human again (ok, almost- I'm still nursing). Hang in there, Hannah will be here before you know it!! By the way, you are so stinking cute. I know you feel huge, but you look really good! Hannah is lucky to have such a loving and caring momma!!
Ashley
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